


Underneath the Sheets (Killing Me)

by lolahardy



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:20:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolahardy/pseuds/lolahardy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur and Eames where young, they were best friends. Arthur made the mistake of falling for him but never said anything. By the time they reached high school, they were no longer friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some angst, lots of swearing, eventual sex

Arthur Cohen and William Eames (or just Eames as he liked to be called) had been best friends for as long as they could remember. 

When they were little, their mothers were friends and often met at each other's homes for gossip, shopping trips, dinners or just random coffee. 

There were many pictures of their children playing together, napping together, eating together, pictures of Arthur crying as a little boy during Halloween when he was forced to be a pirate when he really wanted to be Jason from Friday the 13th like Eames. There were pictures of them a day after Christmases sharing their new toys with each other, sometimes trading if one got the better toy out of the deal. 

They had spent so much of their lives together that Arthur didn't remember a moment that he had not spent with Eames. His sister was older and by the time he was about to turn thirteen, she was moving away to college and he remembered it being a big deal that he was going to inherit her old room. Eames didn't have any siblings so he always had the "cool room" his always messy bed, toys everywhere, a T.V and every latest video game system that came out because he was the spoiled, only child. Arthur never remembered being jealous but he always wanted to impress Eames too. When his sister moved out and after his parents saw her off, their mom crying and telling her to call and visit a lot and after his parents took all the rest of her stuff in boxes to move to Arthur's old room, he called Eames over to help him move in his stuff. He only lived down the block so after jumping on his bike, he got there in less then three minutes. Arthur's new room was now down the hall, opposite end of his parents room, a lot bigger, a bigger window and when Arthur was older, he would appreciate the big walk-in closet. 

The boys spent all afternoon moving Arthur's stuff in his room and once they where done, Eames sat on the floor, looking around at the empty room, the bigger bed and all the space he had now as oppose to Arthur's old room which was at least half the size. Arthur was putting all his clothes away, excited as he looked over his shoulder.

"So what do you think?"

"I like it. Bigger then the old one."

"Yeah, I like it too. I'm going to get a new desk and my mom said I can have my own computer, for school."

"Cool."

He got up from the floor, looking over the stacks of DVDs and video games they brought in that had no place to go just yet. 

"So...what do you think of Lidia?"

Lidia was a girl in their homeroom that had a huge crush on Eames. Everyone knew it but Eames pretended he didn't know.

Arthur stepped out with a couple of empty hangers in his hands.

"She's okay I guess. She's pretty. She likes you."

"I know. Everyone told me."

"You gonna ask her to be your girlfriend?"

He shrugged, looking at the pile still.

"I don't know. I keep thinking if I do, she'll want to kiss me."

"Well yeah...thats what boyfriends and girlfriends do."

Eames shrugged again, turning to look at Arthur. 

"I never kissed anyone before."

"Well, me either."

"Hey would...would you...you know...um..."

He fumbled with his words, looking away from Arthur again before looking up again.

"What?"

"Could I kiss you?"

Arthur was a little surprised but given their situation and how long they had been friends and that it wasn't really anything weird, at least to him, he shrugged.

"I don't know...I guess. Are you gonna ask Lidia out if you kiss me?"

"I guess I could. At least then I'd know if I'm a good kisser or not."

"Ok."

Arthur sets the hangers on the floor before going to his door and stuck his head out. He could hear the T.V downstairs going, his dad probably asleep on the couch in front of it and his mom was still at Eames' mom's house. He then went back to Eames and said,

"So...? You wanna do it now?"

He shrugged in response.

"Sure I guess. Can we sit down though?"

"Yeah."

Arthur decides it would be better to sit in his closet for the sake of privacy. Once they sat on the floor, among his sneakers and winter boots and a shoe box that held his good shoes his mom bought for him for special occassions, the two boys sat across from each other. Neither made a move, Eames playing with his fingers, Arthur with the end of his shoe lace. Finally, Eames said,

"Okay. Let's do this."

Arthur let go of his shoe lace and looked up, seeing Eames suddenly leaning over to him. Arthur sat still and waited until finally, Eames' nose bumped across his and his lips where touching his. Their eyes where open, looking at each other for a few moments before he pulled back and sat where he was. 

"All right. That was...it I guess."

Arthur nodded, giving a small shrug.

"I guess so. When you kiss Lidia, close your eyes."

"You didn't close your eyes."

"I wanted to see what you were doing."

"Well, I did too."

"I think you're supposed to close your eyes. That's how they do it in the movies."

"You didn't close your eyes!"

"I told you why!"

"Well, next time close your eyes!"

"You want to kiss again?"

Arthur hadn't realized what he had said. Eames shrugged.

"I guess. If you want. I don't care."

Arthur shrugged too and then got up.

"Okay fine. Next time."

Over the next couple of days, Arthur fixed up his new room. His parents got him a new desk and computer as promised and because his mom was feeling sad about his sister moving away to college, she got him a new T.V as well. Arthur's room was coming along nicely. He hadn't really thought about he and Eames kissing, it wasn't a big deal and Eames didn't mention it again either, although he still didn't ask Lidia to be his girlfriend. On Friday, Eames slept over, as was their usual ritual of every other weekend they slept over each others houses. They would come over early enough for dinner, then watch T.V or play video games until really late. That Friday, after they had dinner, Arthur and Eames sat in his new room, looking a lot better then when he first moved in. The DVD's and games now had a shelf and all of Arthur's books and his new computer where neatly organized on his desk flat against the wall across the room from his bed. The T.V was on the opposite wall, next to the closet and they still had all the space in the world. They sat on his bed, which was always made, mostly out of habit, mostly because he was supposed to be neat, watching T.V silently. Arthur's parents where downstairs and while the movie was playing, Arthur turned to Eames and said,

"You didn't ask Lidia out."

"Yeah. I was going to, but then she got braces."

Arthur laughed, remembering how quiet Lidia had been since Wednesday when she came into homeroom and revealed she had braces. She looked devestated. 

"Oh well."

"Yeah."

"You should have asked her out anyway. Not like anyone else is going to like you."

"Fuck you! Like you have a million girls trying to get at you!"

Arthur laughed as he nudges him and Eames does it back. The playful nudges turn into shoves and laughs and pretty soon they're rolling around on the floor, trying to top each other, laughing hystrically. They only stop, Arthur pinned to the floor by Eames' hands, sitting on his stomach, when Arthur's mom shouts from downstairs,

"Boys! Don't play rough, you'll get hurt!"

"Sorry mom!" Arthur shouts back.

He then laughs, dimples showing up on his smooth face, his hair a mess as Eames above him laughs too. Arthur then starts to shove him off.

"Okay, let me up."

"Hey...can we kiss again?"

Arthur blinks a few times, a small smile still on his face.

"Sure. Close your eyes this time."

"You close your eyes too!"

"Okay, I will."

"Okay."

It was quiet and Arthur realized Eames was waiting for him to close his eyes so he did. In the darkness, lying against his hardwood floor, he felt Eames' mouth on his again. It seemed different from the first kiss, probably because their eyes where closed this time. He couldn't help but peek through his lashes to see if Eames' eyes were closed too and they where. It lasted a little longer then first time and when Eames pulls back, Arthur opens his eyes again.

"Hey...open your mouth."

"What? Ew, why?"

"So I can put my tongue in your mouth."

"Gross!"

"I want to see! Come on, just once. If it's gross, we won't do it anymore."

"I don't know...that sounds...nasty."

"Come on."

"All right fine. But if I don't like it-"

"I know, I know."

Arthur sighs and parts his mouth slightly, licking his lips a little as he closes his eyes again. He feels Eames pressing down on his lips again, mouth clumsy and inexperienced as he tries to find a way their mouths can fit against each others in this new position. Finally when their mouths line up perfectly, he can feel his tongue in his mouth. It's different and kinda weird, Eames' tongue is warm and wet against his and he moves his own tongue, just to see what would happen. It's not as bad as Arthur thinks it would be, in fact...he kind of likes it. He remembers to breathe through his nose and without him even realizing he was doing, he starts kissing back, tongue moving against Eames'. When they break apart, Eames is looking down at him, curiosity edging around his eyes.

"So? Was it bad?"

"It was okay."

"Can we keep doing it like that?"

"Why do you want to keep kissing me?"

"Because I need the practice. So do you."

Arthur nudges him as they both laugh.

This becomes a new thing for the both of them. During the school week, they hang out, they do classwork and talk to their other friends and have lunch together and continue on like they always do. But every Friday when they sleep over each's houses, they spend countless hours kissing each other. They usually talk about it first, saying what they heard, or what they saw or read somewhere and then experiment on each other and see what feels best. It's weeks before either one realizes they could move their hands. Arthur is more awkward with that, not sure where he should put them other then leaving them hanging limply at his side. Eames right away puts them on his shoulders, finding it's easier to steady Arthur that way. Arthur thinks it's weird to put his on Eames' shoulders so he settles them on his arms, fingers holding onto where his elbows bend. It's comfortable for the time being. 

They're at Eames' house, deep into their kissing, a movie they've seen a million times playing in the background. Eames' parents have gone to bed and he's allowed to close his bedroom door unlike Arthur. They're sitting on his bed, Arthur's fingers hooked into his arms, Eames' holding his shoulders as they tilt and lean and kiss and all of it is starting to feel...good. Arthur wasn't sure when it started to feel good but it has. Eames' mouth is something he started to think about all the time, his lips where full and soft and never chapped, unlike his which he started to worry about because when it got cold his bottom lip usually got chapped and dry. He smelled good too, sometimes his breath tasted like whatever they had for dinner but it was never bad, just...different. He never worried about his breath until he started realizing he was thinking about Eames'. When he felt Eames pull away, he licked his lips and opened his eyes, seeing him looking back at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. I was just looking at you."

"Oh..."

He looked down, a little embarrassed. 

"Can we lay down?"

Arthur frowned a bit.

"Why?"

"My arms are tired."

"Don't lie on top of me."

"I don't want to."

He nodded and lay down, Eames lying beside him. Arthur turned to his side to face him better.

"Do you want to keep kissing?"

"Yeah."

It was almost by instinct that Eames draped his arm over Arthur's side and they started kissing again. It was becoming second nature, heads turning to fit better, mouths opening as soon as they came in contact with each other. Arthur did the same thing, putting his arm over his waist, moving a bit closer. There was a lot of heat between them, their kisses becoming deeper, more urgent and before Arthur knew it, he was holding onto the back of Eames' t-shirt, sighing a little. When he sighed, Eames moves away suddenly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just...it feels good."

"Yeah..."

He trailed off, looking down a little. Arthur looked back up, licking his lips.

"Let's keep going."

"Okay."

Their mouth touch and instantly, Arthur opens his mouth, feeling Eames' tongue brush against his. They started getting closer, Eames pulling towards him, Arthur a little surprised but going with it. It was a few minutes into this session when Arthur suddenly felt something strange. It was stirring at the base of his belly and he suddenly he felt too hot, his body tingling, his palms clammy. Suddenly, it dawned on him.

He was getting hard.

He was glad that Eames wasn't on top of him but he was pretty close to him and he started to worry. It's not that he never got hard before, it was just that he had never gotten hard because of Eames. He never thought he would enjoy it this much and he got scared. He made a soft noise and Eames moved away again.

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"Yeah it's...nothing. I'm okay."

Being his best friend and knowing him his whole life, Eames knew he was lying.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong."

Arthur felt flustered for a moment and looked down.

"I'm um...I'm..."

Eames looked down too and saw what Arthur was referring to.

"Are you hard?"

"Shut up!"

Arthur sat up and pulled away, throwing his legs over the edge of his bed, trying to will it away. It didn't help that they had already changed into their pajamas and it was more obvious now that he was sitting. He hunched over, crossing his arms and resting them on his thighs as Eames sat up and looked over his shoulder.

"Are you really?"

He sounded excited, almost like he was making fun of him.

"Shut up! Leave me alone!"

"I want to see!"

Arthur looked shocked as he covered himself up more as he shot Eames a look.

"Why?!"

He shrugged, sitting next to him.

"I'm just curious."

"No, it's gross."

"It's not."

"Yes it is! It's gross and weird! Us kissing shouldn't make me hard."

"It's a reaction...it felt good. What you've never gotten hard before?"

"Of course I have, don't be stupid!"

"Then what's the big deal?"

"I've never gotten hard in front of someone before...I'm embarrassed."

Eames suddenly understood. 

"Oh...do you want to stop?"

He didn't want to, but Arthur felt embarrassed enough.

"I just...until....until this goes away."

Eames nodded and sat beside him, waiting.

It was difficult to say the least. Everytime he looked at Eames he would get excited all over again, thinking about kissing him and his lips and how warm he was. It was a vicious cycle. After about a half an hour and the movie now done, close to two in the morning, Eames shut the T.V off and said,

"So?"

"Nothing..."

Arthur remained hunched over on his lap, arms crossed and covering him up. Eames sighed, annoyed.

"Well, what do you usually do to make it go away?"

Arthur's felt his face burn.

"I'm not going to jerk off here!"

"Then go to the bathroom."

"No way! Your parents might hear..."

"Come on Arthur, you gotta do something."

"I can't...do it..."

He was embarrassed. Eames sat back down beside him and looked at him.

"You want me to do it?"

"You are so weird..."

"I don't care you know...you're my best friend."

Arthur still thought it was weird and shook his head.

"It'll feel better if you do something about it. You don't have to watch. You can turn your head and close your eyes."

"No, it's weird."

"I think we already crossed the line of weird Arthur."

He had a valid point.

"Okay..."

Eames helped Arthur lay down but it was difficult to get him to stop curling inwards and hiding himself. Finally when he got him to lay down on his back, before he even put a hand on him, Arthur closed his eyes, turning his head away, his face bright red.

"Can I kiss you?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because, this is weird..."

"Please?"

Arthur sighed and nodded. He felt him laying beside him and kiss his cheek but couldn't really reach his mouth since his head was turned.

"Come on, you said I could kiss you..."

Arthur turned his head but didn't move his hand from his eyes as they started to kiss again. Eames slide his hand down his stomach, causing him to shiver as he lifted up his shirt a little and then snuck his hand under the pajama pant waist band. When he touched Arthur's erection, he made a wounded sound and Eames moved away and saw Arthur shivering, his whole body shaking, his face bright red, hand still over his eyes, the other clenching the sheets and blankets of Eames' unmade bed. Eames looked down seeing the tented pants, his hand underneath and said,

"Whoa...you're really hard."

"Shut up."

It was strange for him, never really touching anyone before this except himself and he was more curious then anything else. He let his hand settle over his underwear first, just to get an idea of it before sneaking under his briefs. Arthur made that wounded noise again and started to curl up as if he had been punched in the stomach. Eames had to calm him down and wait until he laid flat again. Once he was down, he wrapped inexperienced fingers around an unfamiliar erection and thought of how he jerked off and started. He gave Arthur a few strokes before he heard that noise again and looked up at Arthur's face.

"You okay?"

"Shut up and keep going."

He leaned down, kissing him, Arthur's mouth immediately opening for him as he felt his tongue and his hand went up to Eames' neck, holding him close, though he covered his eyes with his other hand. Though he felt wrecked at first, embarrassed and humilated, by now, it was starting to feel good. He never felt anyone else's hand besides his own and he always figured it would be someone else that wasn't Eames. 

Though then and there, he was glad it was Eames and not someone else. 

He moaned when he felt Eames kissing him again, jerking him off faster and he moaned against his mouth when he came suddenly. He gasped and though the inital relief came over him first, humilation was hot on its heels.

"Oh god...I'm sorry..."

"You could have warned me."

"I said I was sorry...it just happened."

He moved his hand out of his pants and looked, shiney, cobweb like thick threads gathered at his fingers, going down his knuckles in a semi transparent glob. Eames sat up, grabbing some tissues from his night stand and wiping it off.

"It's okay. Do you feel better now?"

Arthur didn't. Something had welled up inside him, the relief, the embarrassment, the pleasure it all turned into something he never thought it could have. In his young adolesent mind, he had just fallen in love with his best friend. He didn't want to say it, knowing Eames was not into it this way so he nodded, the erection now gone, pants back to normal.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Of course."

And that was how Arthur Cohen figured he was completely fucked for the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

In his mind Arthur could be madly in love with Eames all he wanted. He could pretend everything they where doing was because they were dating and Eames loved him too. The illusion was hard to keep at school when Eames had other friends and girls constantly around him and coming up to Arthur begging to pass along notes of confessions. It was even harder to keep on their Fridays when they would kiss and hold each other and Eames would ask a lot of simple things, mostly about arm and hand placement and if sitting felt better or standing. At the time, Arthur was a little shorter then Eames, not by leaps and bounds but Eames had to bow his head to kiss him. Sometimes, it was easy to make the fantasy feel real until Eames would say something like

"I would touch your chest but you're flat...it would be like touching a flat chested girl"

or

"Don't try to hold my hand, I'm not your boyfriend."

And Arthur would stand still and try not feel like he was just punched in the chest. However, this did nothing to stop Eames from asking him to do different things. Once they spent an hour with Arthur straddling his lap, arms around Eames' neck, Eames' arms around his waist, kissing hard. It was such a nice moment for Arthur who could pretend during that time but only until they broke apart. At night, Arthur would sometimes fall asleep with Eames touching his hair and his back, drawing lazy circles and kissing his ear affectionately. 

Then reality would sink in and they would have to go to school and Arthur would see all the girls pining after him. Arthur was pretty oblivious that he had his own fair share of admirers, since to him, everyone seem to adore Eames. He had to fight to hide his jealousy but everytime they where together and Eames would throw his arm around him in a friendly gesture or it would be just the two of them talking, sharing a book for class or just walking to their next class, he would always feel better and he couldn't wait until Friday.

The following Friday, Eames was coming over to his house. He really hated that his parents wouldn't let him close his door like he was still a little kid. After picking up some of his things and putting away his book bag, he heard someone at the door and heard Eames' voice coming talking to his mom.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Cohen."

"Good afternoon. Come on in, Arthur's upstairs. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Mrs. Cohen."

He went upstairs as if he was home, which at that point, pretty much was second home. He went to Arthur's room and let his book bag fall near the door as he toed off his sneakers, beaten up and worn out but he refused a new pair. 

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Your mom said dinner is gonna be done soon."

"Okay."

He so badly wanted to kiss him. He wanted to just put his arms around him and kiss him and have Eames return his affections. But he was afraid of what he would say more then what he'd do so he just stood there awkwardly, toying with his fingers, trying not to look at him. Eames didn't seem to notice, he just walked past him and checked out his row of DVD's, finger brushing over the spines as he said,

"You need some new DVD's."

"I know."

He turned and looked at Arthur, a crooked smile on him that would only develop and turn more rougeish when he got older as he said,

"What's wrong?"

It's like he knew what was wrong by that look on his face and made Arthur fluster.

"Nothing. Just hungry."

He took Arthur by the wrist, dragging him to the other side of his room and opening his closet door, forcing the both of them inside as Eames pulled him close and kissed him. Arthur, by all accounts was shocked considering that this was not following routine. They didn't have dinner first, they didn't do their friendly, normal routine, they didn't even talk about it! But feeling his lips made his knees weak and his eyes closed and he opened his mouth for him. Warm wet tongue slithered in as Arthur responded and instead of feeling Eames' hands on his shoulders, they where going around his waist. He broke contact first and looked down seeing his new hand placement.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm holding you. I can't really hold someone by their shoulders all the time. That would be weird."

"Oh...what about...what should I do-"

"Put your arms around me higher up so your hands are on my back."

"Oh..."

So he did, the position feeling much closer and he could smell Eames. He smelled like clean laundry and some other, distinct scent that would always remind Arthur of him. As he looked up, Eames was looking at him.

"I bet this would feel better if I had a girl here. Her boobs would be up against me."

Arthur looked down and frowned. He immediately pulled away, pushing Eames' hands off him.

"What?"

"Why do you always say things like that?"

He shrugged.

"I'm not a girl. If you want to use me for practice then you had enough. I don't wanna do this anymore."

"Don't be that way."

Arthur crossed his arms and walked out to his room and sat on the bed, Eames following him. 

"Are you really mad?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to kiss me anymore?"

"No."

It was quiet for a moment before Eames finally said,

"I still want to kiss you."

Arthur looked at him and said nothing. The silence seem to strech out forever between them when it was finally interrupted when Arthur's mom called them down for dinner.

By the time they returned upstairs, picked the first movie of the night, watched it, played a few rounds of Street Fighter, changed into their pajamas and picked a second a movie, they had not talked about what happened earlier. When Arthur's parents went to bed, Arthur closed the door slightly and then joined Eames on the floor, his long legs covered in black and red plaid and his ever growing bare feet out in front of him. He looked so skinny compared to Eames who seem to be growing every day. He toyed with his shirt a little as he looked at Eames, wearing gray sweats and a very worn in white t-shirt, fingers toying aimlessly in his hair.

"Where you serious? About before?"

Eames looked at him, the light of the T.V catching the gray flecks in his blue eyes.

"About still wanting to kiss you? Yeah."

Arthur looked down at his hands before looking back up at Eames.

"You have to stop saying things like that. I'm not a girl."

"All right. I didn't think it would bug you. I was just stating the obvious."

"It does..."

"Okay, so I won't it anymore."

Arthur nods, satified with that as Eames changes the subject.

"So I was reading the other day about dry humping."

"What?"

"On the internet. You know it's really hard fnding stuff that's not sex on the internet."

Arthur laughed.

"You actually looked stuff up to do?"

"Yeah."

He said it so matter of factly as if saying duh, how else am I supposed to learn. 

"So...what is it?"

"We just kinda lie on top of each other and like rub up against each other. It's supposed to feel really good."

"What...what if...I get hard again?"

He was still embarrassed about the last time and his felt his face getting warm just at the mere thought of it. But Eames shrugged and said,

"We'll see what happens."

They ended up lying on the floor, Eames on top of Arthur, most of his weight on his forearms to not crush him since Arthur already complained once about not being able to breathe. They where lined perfectly, shoulder to shoulder, stomach on stomach, crotch to crotch where they where currently rutting against each other. When they started, Arthur had his legs down and pressed together but Eames suggested he open his legs so he could rest between them and Arthur agreed. After that, the feeling got so much better and when Eames rubbed up against him, it felt amazing. He made soft moaning noises against his best friend's mouth and after a few times doing this, Eames looked down at him, still moving his hips against him.

"You...okay?"

He was enjoying it just as much. His lips where swollen and red from kissing Arthur for minutes at a time. He whispered to him as they lay on the floor, in the dark since they had shut off all the lights and the T.V, the only light coming from the window in Arthur's room. Arthur nodded, moving his hips against his as he whispered,

"It...feels really good...mmm..."

He bit his bottom lip and clenched his eyes shut as he felt Eames lean down, kissing his lips again before answering softly,

"I'm...really hard..."

"Me too..."

"Do you want to stop?"

Arthur shook his head but didn't know what else to do other then lay there grind his erection against Eames' and turn bright red. He stared up at him, eyes wide, face flushed, mouth agape.

"What...what should we do?"

He looked to Eames for answers figuring he knew what to do but he was just as as clueless. 

"I don't know. I guess...just keep going..."

Arthur had to keep biting his lip to not make a single sound, everything feeling so...different. He could hear Eames whenever they weren't kissing close to his ear, breathing hard, fighting back his own moans as he moved against Arthur. He knew in the back of his head that this was a bad idea. It was only further encouraging fantasies he knew wouldn't come true but he liked it. He liked doing with Eames, he liked kissing him and holding him, he even liked to learn new things with him like this though he would never admit just how much to Eames. There was only that mild awkwardness that happened because everything was so new but once that hurdle was jumped, everything felt fine because it was Eames, his best friend who wouldn't judge him or mock him if he did something wrong. They were both going through this together. He smiled to himself, feeling good, feeling happy with Eames' weight on top of him as he bit his lip to hold back a moan as he felt that same urge that happened before when he came when Eames jerked him off. He tried tapping him on the shoulder to give him the heads up.

"Stop...stop....I'm gonna...I'm...I'm gonna...."

"Shut up...I'm really...close..."

He kept rutting against him faster until he finally came, in turn making Arthur come. He groaned but luckily, not too loudly as Arthur gasped as if in surprise. Eames quickly got off him as he laid beside him on the floor, both of them panting as Arthur felt the warm, stickiness of his cum inside his pajama pants.

"Gross...this is fucking nasty."

Eames laughed as he turned his head and looked at him.

"Yeah, I could do without jizz in my pants."

They both laughed and after a little while, Arthur got up and got them both some tissues and he changed his pajamas and offered Eames another pair. After they both changed, Arthur feeling a bit embarrassed since Eames' borrowed pants barely fell over his ankles, they both sat on his bed in the dark.

"We should go to bed."

It was logical and it made sense so they did. They shared Arthur's bed, they had for years though they always made up a sleeping bag and it was the same when Arthur slept over Eames' house. He never thought of it as weird or strange and neither set of parents ever opposed it so neither one of them gave it a second thought. However, as Eames laid beside him, he felt strange now, warm and happy, his mind supplying thoughts of them being older and doing this, but in their own house and it would be their bed and it would be a bigger bed. They would go to bed together after they came home from work and had dinner and it would perfect. 

Arthur fell asleep dreaming of a simple domestic life with his best friend.

The rest of the weekend went by like that. During the day they goofed off, went for walks, sometimes they went to the mall or to the arcade and by Sunday evening, Eames went home, saying he would see him tomorrow. On Monday morning, Arthur went to school, walking with Eames, the both of them talking about nothing, inane conversation that always happens when no real thought is focused. Half way through the trip, Eames suddenly said,

"I'm going to ask Sarah out."

"Sarah? Why? Where did she come from?"

Sarah was a girl in another homeroom, she was in Arthur's chemistry class and he didn't very much care for her. She was tall and slender and pretty and popular and a dumb sack of shit. He eyed her as one of those girls that would depend her whole life on her good looks and therefore never develope a personality. He saw her in class spending most of the period passing notes or giggling with a girlfriend, giving the teacher big eyes when she was reprimanded for her behavior. She vapid and thought Eames could do better.

"Her friend told me she liked me. And she's cute and since Lidia is pretty much over, I thought I should just ask her."

Arthur frowned. He tried to tell himself that whatever they did was just for practice and he was quick to remind himself that Eames did not feel that way about him but he couldn't help feeling used anyway. More over, heartbroken. Then sick as he realized everything Eames had done to him, he would do to Sarah. He would kiss her and touch her only now he would get the pleasure of boob as oppose to a flat chest. He found himself fighting back tears.

"But...she's so stupid."

The words just tumbled from his mouth. Eames gave him a look he didn't see since he was busy looking at the sidewalk leading to their school and forcing himself not to cry.

"So? I'm not gonna talk to her, she's just going to be my girlfriend."

It gave no comfort. Eames gave him a nudge, telling him not to be weird and walked ahead as they got to the building. Once he disappeared inside, Arthur finally looked up and took a deep breath, pressing against his eyes for a moment before running in as well.

By lunch time, Eames and Sarah were a couple and everyone knew it. When Arthur went to sit with Eames and their usual group of friends, he found Sarah beside him, where he usually sat and it made him sick to his stomach. He ended up sitting across from her, staring into his food while everyone talked around them. It ended up being the longest day of his life. 

The whole week was like that and he had to endure them holding hands when they walked down the hall and sometimes see them kiss at their lockers and after school, Arthur found himself walking home alone since Eames usually waited for Sarah to catch her bus home. By Friday came around and he figured Eames would come over, if not to practice then to at least hang out. But when Friday came and Arthur talked to him about it, Eames looked at him strangely and interrupted him.

"Dude, I can't come over today. I have to do my homework and then Sarah's going to call me. Then on Saturday, her mom's taking us to the movies."

Arthur felt crushed but he hid it well, shrugging as if it didn't matter, even making a joke about already being whipped. He found himself being a good actor as Eames laughed and called him an asshole and changing the subject to something else. When the school day was over, Arthur ran home and counted his blessings that his mom was in the basement doing laundry as he ran to his room and closed the door, dropping his bag and then getting in his closet, closing that door as well as he sat on the floor and cried. He pulled up his hoodie over his face to muffle his tears as he sobbed pitifully to himself, feeling horrible and stupid and god, how could he be such an idiot! Of course Eames was going to spend time with his girlfriend and not him! It didn't make him feel any better and he cried until his chest hurt and his throat burned. When he felt he could contain himself he wiped his face with the sleeve and then carefully opened the door, peeking out cautiously before getting out completely and looking at himself in the mirror. It was obvious he had been crying but as long as he had a few minutes to calm down, it wouldn't be so bad. He took off his hoodie and sneakers and then headed to the bathroom to wash his face.

At dinner time, his mom made a comment about Eames.

"Isn't he coming over? He's late."

Arthur shook his head, folding the napkins down on the table.

"He's got a girlfriend now."

She looked at her son, noting the depression in his voice as he turned to the silverware drawer and took out three forks.

"Oh...well honey these things happen. Don't worry, it's just middle school and there will be lots of girls in between from the both of you. It doesn't mean you two aren't friends anymore. It's just a stage."

He agreed but it didn't provide anymore comfort then his own words.

And there were plenty of girls but they were all from Eames' side. Sarah and Eames only last two weeks but she was only the beginning. It was a constant stream of girlfriends, random girls taking Arthur's chair beside him at lunch, lost weekends and plans that were always broken. They only saw each other during the school week when he wasn't with his current girlfriend and sometimes on the weekends, but only for a few hours visit. By the time the summer rolled around, Arthur never saw him. 

At the start of their eighth grade year, it was as if they were strangers. They still talked and there was still a seat for him at the lunch table but Arthur never brought up their weekends anymore, never brought up hanging out anymore, never said anything about anything anymore. Eames' relationships seem to be lasting longer then a handful of weeks and Arthur felt lonely so he joined school activities just to have something to do. Doing debate and winter track took his mind off things, the arguements about oil dumping and the long runs around the track kept him focused. He hardly thought about the crush he had nursed for a while. When he saw him though, the feelings came back and Arthur found himself pulling away from him just to try to get over him. Eames was not for him...he never was. And he kept telling himself was trying to breathe life in a relationship that was never alive in the first place. By the middle of the year, Arthur stopped sitting at their table and sat with his debate club friends. They both stopped calling, stopped visiting and when summer rolled around again, Arthur realized his friendship was over. Their moms still talked, every day and mentioned how odd it was that their boys had stopped being friends. Arthur's mom asked if they had, had a fight or something. Arthur looked up from the book he was reading, pushing up his glasses.

"What? No, we didn't fight."

"I ask because he doesn't come around anymore. Diana said you haven't been over there either. So what happened?"

Arthur shrugged, not really knowing himself.

"I guess...we just stopped being friends. Eames got busy...I got busy..."

His mom frowned a bit.

"Maybe in high school, things will get better."

He didn't have the heart to tell her they would probably stay the same.


	3. Chapter 3

The very first day of high school, Arthur walked alone. It was not a big deal anymore, he had gotten use to it. It was a further walk then going to junior high but he made it anyway. At the front doors, he met his friend Ariadne, who he had met in debate when they were in middle school. She was tiny with brown hair and an adorable face who dressed very casually in jeans and band t-shirts with Converse sneakers but still managed to be feminine. The adorable face also hid away an aggressive streak and a strong vocabulary with curse words lacing it all together. They became friends when she wouldn't back down in a debate over the con side of the death penalty, Arthur the pro side. Afterwards, Arthur thought for sure she would give him attitude, thinking he was an asshole for being on the pro side of a touchy issue, most people taking everything to heart but instead, she came over and told him he made a few good points and that he was awesome at debate. He thanked her and they were instantly friends. When he saw her, she was in her usual black and white Converse, black jeans, a black coat and a sky blue shirt, her hair over her shoulders as she clung to her messenger bag. She waved to him as he walked up the steps and she met him at the top. 

"Hey asshole! You had me standing her for like ten minutes! You said you would be early!"

"How early did you want me to get here? Geez Ari."

She stuck her tongue out at him as they both went inside. She lifted up the flap of her bag as she dug around and said,

"Okay, so I have homeroom in the gym, can you believe that bullshit? And I have second lunch. What about you?"

They had gone over classes and homeroom the day they both got their schedules, Arthur forgot when he had lunch so he dug into his back pocket and took out his schedule to look over it. He ran his finger down the list of classes as he stopped and lunch.

"Second lunch. All right."

She smirked, nodding to herself in satisfaction.

"Awesome."

Arthur agreed. He double checked his homeroom as the warning bell rang and she sighed and said she would see him later. While they had no other classes together, they were close by so they planned to meet up in the hallways. Arthur headed to his homeroom, glancing at the rest of his schedule so he didn't have to constantly keep it out and got to his homeroom. He took a seat towards the middle and waited a bit, nothing really going on other then some other students filing in, the teacher in her place, the second bell ringing as the last of the students ran inside. After roll call and announcements, there was a brief grace period of doing nothing and then the first bell releasing them rang and Arthur left. He met with Ariadne half way down the hall to his first class as she ran off some names of people in her homeroom. She wasn't too annoyed with anyone so Arthur took it as a good sign. 

The rest of the day was uneventful and when lunch rolled around, he and Ariadne walked in the cafeteria and headed straight for the line to get food when Arthur turned slightly and saw him. Eames had changed a bit, nothing drastic though but he was still as good looking as Arthur remembered. He was a little taller, a little broader, his hair still a mess and he hung out with a bunch of new guys Arthur didn't know anything about. While there were familiar faces from middle school, for the most part, high school was a whole ocean of new faces and aside from Eames, he didn't know anyone else in his crowd. He saw him laughing and smiling and Arthur had taken note that his top row of teeth had been fixed. When they were friends, Eames always said he hated his teeth, but especially the top row because of the two front teeth. Now the problem was solved and it just made him hotter then Arthur remembered. He didn't have time to sit and reflect as he turned his head and looked down. As relieved as he was that Eames didn't notice him, it didn't make the sting of it any less...Eames had not noticed him. And why should he? He hadn't noticed him years. He got his lunch and sat with Ariadne, both of them talking about joining debate again and he talked about joining track again too. 

"You should run. My mom always says shit like that looks good on your transcripts. And we only have three more years to go."

Arthur nodded. Now that he knew Eames was close by, he couldn't help but keep an ear out for him. Through the crowds of loud teenagers, he could always hear Eames' distinct voice. Ariadne didn't notice and if she did, she didn't say anything.

When track started up, Arthur signed up for it and he took to it with as much need as he did debate. He ran to clear his mind, to clear his thoughts, to get away from Eames. He couldn't believe how much his mind still thought about it though he had told himself logically, many, many times before that he was being ridiculous. They stopped being friends and if Eames didn't care, why should he? He was being stupid and he should just give it up. Let it all go and move along. He would only have to be single for three more years and then college. Oh god, college, the golden ring. He was sure he could go somewhere, meet other people, meet other boys who would kiss him and tell him he was the one they wanted to date and gladly be his boyfriend. 

Not that he was just practice.

They would hold his hand and touch his chest and be glad it was flat. He couldn't wait. 

And then his stupid irrational side that still clutched his name like a secret always chanted Eames back at him. And Arthur would run harder.

As he practiced every day, sometimes Ariadne came to watch. She would sit on the bleachers with her glasses on and do her homework, sometimes, she would cheer Arthur on as he did hurdles and clap when he won practice races. She was a good friend and Arthur was glad to have her. As he took a break, he sat up there with her, wearing his lame school track uniform of shorts and a tanktop, his white running sneakers now creased and stained with mud and grass bent at the toes scraped along the bleachers as he joined her. There were small dots of other people, other girls, other friends, Ariadne sat alone until Arthur joined her. He sat next to her in a heap as he let out a breath.

"Lookin good out there kid."

"Thanks. What are you working on?"

"Debate research. Next meet is in two weeks. Gotta be prepared."

Arthur agreed and he would have said something else when a sound of some girl squealing caught his attention. He sat up a bit seeing a girl from the track team had run to the fence and was hugging Eames. She didn't seem to be his girlfriend of the moment, but she hugged him hard like she was anyway. He hugged her back and they chat for a while, another guy hanging out with him. Arthur turned back to Ariadne as she poked him with her pen right in his chest.

"So, you going to tell me what your deal is with Mr. England or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

He frowned as he rubbed his chest and said,

"What thing? I don't have a thing..."

"Come on Arthur, I know you. Every time you see that guy your face gets weird. You have a crush on him or something?"

"If I did would you be surprised?"

"Not especially"

Arthur seemed surprised but she just shrugged as she then gestured he go on. He sighed and looked at her notebook.

"We use to be friends when we were little. We use to...kiss...as practice. For when we got girlfriends. Only problem with that was that he ended up with the girlfriends and I ended up with a crush."

"Oh...that sucks. And what he won't talk to you anymore afraid you'll out him or something?"

"No, it's not like that. We just...grew apart."

As he said that, he turned his head, just curious if he was still there and he saw he was, still talking to the track girl. At that moment, he turned and looked up, seeing Arthur sitting on the bleachers. His eyes squinted as if he was trying to recognize his face and once he did, the realization came over him, realizing he did know him. He gave an awkward smile and then waved to him. It felt like time stopped and though Arthur knew he had a mean poker face, well developed from debate, inside, his emotions were a tidal wave that struck him full force. He was glad he was sitting because he was sure he would have fainted otherwise. He raised his hand and slowly waved back and then, it was over. Eames turned back to the track girl and Arthur turned back to Ariadne.

"He just wave to you?"

"Yeah but it was more of that...awkward, kinda-have-to wave you know?"

She nodded. 

It was one of the three times that year that Eames noticed him. The second time, they bumped into each other at the cafeteria, literally. Eames turned and apologized and Arthur waved it off. The third was towards the end of the school year as the seasons turned again but it was still the awkward change of hot and cold. Track was turning from winter to spring and Arthur was stretching on the track, still in his sweats, but wearing a tanktop. He was down on the ground, his leg out in front of him as he held his sneakered foot with both hands, his head down as he counted in his mind for how long to hold before releasing, doing it once more then switching legs. As he looked up, he saw Eames walking along the fence of the track, looking as if he was heading home. Arthur lost track of what he was doing for a moment, feeling his grip loosen up until he realized he was staring and he quickly ducked his head down again. When he sat back to switch, faster then he intended, he saw Eames again, just about to vanish from his sight but he waved to Arthur again and Arthur waved back.

Ariadne hadn't mentioned the crush, hadn't mentioned anything about Eames. She wasn't out to fix all of Arthur's problems, she figured if he wanted help, he would ask for it. As they walked home, he sighed to himself and said,

"I saw Eames the other day. He waved to me,"

"Did you wave back?"

"Yeah. It wasn't a forced wave either. But when he smiled at me, it made me miss him. I miss what we use to have."

"Why don't you just ask him to hang out again?"

He shook his head, appalled as well as embarrassed by the idea.

"No. Too much time passed. Now it seems ridiculous."

She frowned a bit before changing the subject.

"You ever try dating anyone? Your whole life doesn't have to be contained in school."

Arthur shook his head. Frankly, the idea of dating anyone while still nursing this damned crush seemed unfair to the other person. He wanted to get away from Eames, get him out of his mind and forget about him so he could be free to like someone else. He was never going to be able to while still in school, catching random, off beat waves and smiles.

"Not until college."

When their freshmen year of high school did end, Arthur felt relief. He could go back to spending his summers hiding away, reading or talking to Ariadne, getting his mind as far away from Eames as possible. In fact, the first couple of weeks into summer vacation, Arthur didn't even think about him at all. He was busy going out and having fun with his friends and Ariadne, catching movies, going to random birthday parties that turned into all night talks at a table with pizza and left over birthday cake between them. It was pretty dull by most other high school kid's standards, but he was never wild or reckless. He figured he had his whole life for that. 

A month into their time off from school, Ariadne bummed him out with news she was being forced on some "bullshit family vacation" which she rolled her eyes at in contempt. She would only be gone two weeks but still, she claimed, it was bullshit. After she left, Arthur felt a little bored and lonely and as he lied on his bedroom floor, scrolling through his phone trying to think of someone to text to go something, he heard his mother talking. It was nothing at first until he heard someone answer and he realized it was Eames. He sat up, setting his phone on the floor beside him as he crawled over to his mostly closed door and listened.

"I haven't seen you in so long! Look how big you got!"

His laugh. Arthur felt a clench in his chest hearing it.

"My mum sent me with this for you, said you'd like it. She also said she'd be ready in half an hour or so."

Whatever it was, Arthur's mom took it and it was quiet for a moment before she thanked him.

"Thank you for telling me. Oh, you know, Arthur is upstairs if you want to come in and say hello."

Arthur felt like hiding. He swallowed hard as his throat felt tight and he strained to hear his answer.

"Thank you Mrs. Cohen but, I have to go. A couple of my mates are waiting for me. I just stopped by to tell you the message and drop off the book."

Relief. Then sadness. Arthur almost wished he had come up. It would have been nice to see some kind of longing on his side too. He didn't bother to listen to anymore as he got up and went back to his phone, even though he didn't want to see anyone anymore.

He prayed the rest of high school would go by fast. He needed to get out of there so badly. As he heard the front door close, he wiped away tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes, memories of Eames running upstairs to join him filling his mind. He hadn't told Ariadne but he had toyed with the idea of talking to Eames again, maybe stopping him when he was alone, saying hi, asking how it was going to gauge a reaction and if things went well, maybe ask to hang out again, a flimsy excuse and gossamer strings of hope tying everything together that Eames would say yes and somehow...they could mend what they had.

He realized it was all for naught. Eames was just saying hi, just waving, just passing through before he vanished out of his life. And though Arthur had always said he needed that, the realization it would happen hit him then and there.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of high school happened in a blink of an eye. It didn't feel like that to Arthur at first but before he knew it, the entire school was buzzing with the last year jitters, seniors being fitted for caps and gowns, prom notifications going up everywhere, final exams and minimal classes. It was an exciting time for most and Arthur was no exception. He filled out college applications with Ariadne at night while researching material for debate. He only had time for spring track now, no more winter with all the mid terms coming up so when the season came around, he felt out of shape and tired. 

Before the school year ended, he was back to normal and had been accepted to a state college about an hour away, where his sister went, graduated from and now lived in that town, phoning now and then to say hi. He would dorm and he was excited because Ariadne had been accepted as well. Things happened in a flurry, rushing from one milestone to another and before he knew it, they were graduating. While other seniors cheered and screamed at their new accomplishment, Arthur had to hide. He felt lucky enough to have driven himself despite his parents insistence they take him and he sat and his car as he cried. He couldn't remember crying that hard since the time Eames told him he couldn't hang out anymore and he hid in his closet to cry alone. Now he was in his car, letting go of the tears he had felt stinging at his eyes when he saw Eames graduating, knowing that, this was it, the moment he had both feared and anticipated. He knew it was for the best, to finally, finally let go, to move on and make all other kinds of goals happen in his life. But right now, he needed this. He had sobbed into his steering wheel for a good ten minutes until he heard a soft tap at his driver's side window and for a moment, fear, panic and embarrassment raced through him as he looked up. It was all squashed when he saw Ariadne standing there, her red gown still on as she held her cap in her tiny hands. She looked at him sadly with a tiny smile and Arthur looked away to open the passenger side door. He still felt tears rolling down his face as she walked around, opened the door and got in, closing it behind her. When she touched his arm, he felt himself collapse again and she said nothing as she rubbed his shoulder and let him finish.

In the pictures he took afterwards with his parents, you could still see his red rimmed eyes despite washing his face and calming down.

She didn't bring it up the rest of that day. Or that night as they jumped from graduation party to graduation party. Arthur felt lucky that somehow his and Eames' social circles didn't coincide, he didn't think he could stand to see him then. She didn't bring it up until about a week later, when things started calming down and summer vacation was in full swing and they only had about two months before they left for school. 

"Do you regret not saying anything to him?"

Arthur shook his head. He had no idea what Eames was going to do now that high school was over. For all he knew, he was going back to England. 

"No. I guess...I was just sad. It felt so final. But I know I need it. I'm not kidding myself into believing in something that will never happen. I need to get over this crush and move on. I wasted so much time on him."

Ariadne nodded. She didn't press on which, as a friend, Arthur was always grateful. He didn't even think he could talk about it anymore.

Summer came to an end even faster then years before. Before Arthur knew it, he was packing up his room and feeling sentimental but not because he was leaving, but because it reminded him of when his sister left and he inherited that room and Eames had come over...

...and kissed him.

He tried not to think about it as he folded another pair of pants into his luggage. His books and things he knew he couldn't part without where all packed near the door, his laptop and charger in a case close to his bookbag also near the door, one of his three suitcases on his bed still. He took a deep breath as he finished and closed the top of the case, zipping it up and then rubbing his finger under his eye. While he wasn't moving out, he still felt like he was giving up part of his childhood and he felt sad as he looked around the room, trying to think of anything else he might need. He didn't get a chance to reflect too much as his dad came in, taking his box, reminding him they should get going soon. He nodded and moved the suitcase to get going.

His parents drove him to his new school, helped him move in and then gave him an affectionate good bye. He could see tears in his mom's eyes as she fussed over him once more. Arthur let her as he sighed and said,

"Mom...come on. I'll be home in two months for Thanksgiving. And then again in a few weeks for Christmas."

She nodded as sniffled and straightened out his t-shirt and said,

"I know, I know. I'm embarrassing you."

"You're not. You're being emotional though."

She laughed as she then gave him one more hug before his dad hugged him tooand gave him some cash, telling him to call if he needed anything. He nodded and thanked him as they left and he looked around his new dorm room. His new roommate had not moved in yet and he was relieved he had some time to himself. He started to work on one of the boxes he brought and texted Ariadne to find out if she moved in yet. She replied that she was and they should meet up later. He agreed and finished unpacking.

His new roommate was a guy named Dom Cobb. They got along right away and Arthur was grateful for that since he had heard a million horror stories about getting shitty, horrible roommates who steal your things, eat your food and are a general nuisance. However, Dom was just as neat as Arthur was, organizing his own things and clothes and later after they finished, they both oo-ed and aww-ed each other's laptops and their features, talking about the pro's and con's of each system.

"So, are you going to that meet and greet thing our floor is having?"

Arthur shrugged, saying probably not.

"My best friend and I are supposed to meet up later so probably not."

"Oh, okay."

"Why don't you come with us? I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

Dom smiled, looking grateful for the invite.

"Thanks, that sounds great. Would it be a total pain in the ass if I bring my girlfriend?"

"You have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, her name is Mal. We've been dating since junior year of high school. I know, I know, cliche and typical, high school sweethearts in college."

He rolls his eyes and dismisses it with a wave of his hand as Arthur laughs.

"We're so gross, ugh. I'm surprised we don't make people sick out right."

Arthur laughs again, liking his sense of humor.

"How about you, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, I'm gay."

It was the first time Arthur had ever said it outside of his mind and he was worried Dom might not react well to it. He had just met the guy, he had no idea if underneath that cool and collected exterior, was a bigot. 

"Well, a boyfriend then,"

Relief. Dom didn't even seem phased.

"No. No one."

"Well, college is the place to find someone."

Nothing changed in his posture or his movement, he didn't even inch away as they both sat side by side on Arthur's bed laying against the wall, laptops on their laps. It was quiet for a moment before Arthur said,

"Hey...it...didn't seem to bother you."

"What, you being gay? Why would it?"

"I...don't know."

Dom laughed as he then shut down his laptop and scooted forward, asking what time they should meet up with his friend so he could call Mal. Arthur smiled as he did the same thing and said he would call her right now.

He was relieved that his first initial impression of Dom was not wrong. He was a cool guy, they had similar schedules so they were almost out of the room around the same time but even when they weren't they still enjoyed each other's company. When Mal did come around, she was nice and Arthur liked her a lot. She reminded him of his older sister in her manner towards him, friendly with just an edge of teasing. You could see it in her eyes when she looked at Dom, just how much she loved him. Between them, Ariadne, classes and getting some kind of regular pattern going on, Arthur hardly had any time to think. He would go to class and do homework which usually meant him goofing off with Dom or going to "study" in the student lounge with him, Mal and Ariadne which really meant them talking with their books open in front of them. He joined the track team there and would go to practice nearly every day and then reunite with his friends at night only to fall asleep in a heap at night, getting insufficient sleep only to wake up and do it all over again the next day but he had no complaints. His college experience was turning into a good one.

As he returned from practice one night in early November, he felt the chill of the air and he was tired but he felt good. He had half of a paper on ancientarchitecture done and he had aced his economics test so things where good. As he opened the door, he saw Mal and Dom sharing a laptop screen, watching a movie apparently as Mal then jumped up to greet him. She kissed his cheek as she said,

"Arthur! Are you up for a party tonight?"

Arthur thought about it for a moment as he set his bag of track stuff down.

"What party? Can I tell Ariadne?"

"Of course! My roommate is having a party and it's just a whatever thing on her floor, very informal but it's supposed to be the one big one before mid terms."

"All right. I'll call Ari, see what she says."

"Good."

She smiled knowingly as Arthur called Ariadne. As it turned out, she had already heard of the party and she was going to ask him to go. As they talked about it, she then said,

"Hey, listen....I met this guy from one of my classes...and he's a total doll."

"Ok, great."

"But he doesn't play for my team."

"Oh....oh."

The realization of what she was getting at hit him.

"I told him about you but I'm not trying to play match maker!" She quickly added. "I just told him you were single and I thought that you might be interested. I'll invite him to come if you want, if not we'll forget the whole thing and I'll tell him I was wrong about you being single."

"I don't know..."

"Come on, you said you were ready to try new things and move on."

She was right. 

"Ok. Invite him."

The party was a floor party, most rooms open to walk in and out of where drinks flowed everywhere. Ariadne had introduce Arthur to Robert Fischer, a beautiful, blue eyed, dark haired, pouty lipped angel. Arthur literally felt himself swoon as he shook his hand and they talked over loud music. While he never really thought of himself as shy or awkward, he realized he never really flirted either. He felt his heart beat triple time when Robert smiled at him and his hands felt sweaty and shaky when Robert left and got him a drink. They talked the whole night, eventually hiding out in a stairwell to hear each other better and by the end of the night, they exchange cell phone numbers and Robert promised to text him tomorrow so they could meet up after Arthur was done with track. He kissed his cheek as he left and Mal, Dom and Ariadne who were waiting for him to leave allcongratulated him as he joined up with them. Arthur buttoned up his coat as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, laughing, feeling embarrassed since his friends where making such a big deal out of it but Ariadne shook his arm and said,

"So?!"

"I got his number. He said he'd text me so we could meet up."

"Aren't you glad I told you about him? You guys look so cute together!"

She was completely excited for him and he actually felt happy himself. Dom and Mal said good night then, Dom saying he was just going to walk Mal to her room and say good night before coming back to their room and Arthur nodded, saying good night to Mal as they left. He then turned back to Ariadne to keep talking about Robert.

"It was nice...I never...really talked to anyone like that before. Do you think he liked me?"

"He totally did. He never left your side!"

She bubbled with joy for him and Arthur got some of that excitement too. After he said good night to her and headed back to his own building, he thought about Robert and for once, felt good it was him and not Eames. 

Eames, the name that hadn't haunted his thoughts in a while. He thought about him then and then sighed, telling himself to stop.

"It was never going to happen..." He tells himself outloud. "Best to let it go."


	5. Chapter 5

Robert turned into a mess. 

At first, things went smoothly. After the party, Robert did text him and they did meet up and they spoke regularly afterwards. Arthur did find himself growing fond of him, but nothing he would directly describe as strong feelings. By the time Thanksgiving break came around, Robert was clearly smitten with him and Arthur thought it weird he was not returning the same kind of feelings and chalked it up to nerves and stress. He went home for the holidays and then came back from an uneventful holiday of the same old traditions, his sister coming over and dinner. When he returned, he thought he would be ready to face Robert and continue on. Finally he thought he pinned what he thought it was. 

While Robert always claimed he liked him, he hadn't made anything official. Arthur didn't know if he was seeing someone else or how Robert would feel about him seeing anyone else and he definitely didn't want misunderstandings or to come off as some clingy boyfriend if they weren't even there yet. One night while Dom was out with Mal, Arthur had Robert over and while at first they just hung out, talked, did a little studying, Arthur finally talked to him.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

Robert looked up, piercing blue eyes making Arthur's voice catch in his throat. He smiled at him next which made him sigh a bit.

"Sure, what's up."

"This might be weird but I don't want any misunderstandings on any one's part and I don't want you to get the wrong idea or for me to get the wrong idea but...what are we?"

Robert looked confused for just a moment and Arthur felt he had to explain.

"I've never dated anyone before so I have no idea if there's some sort of...etiquette or...rules or something. If we're nothing then that's fine, I just want to be clear."

He smiled at him again.

"Well, that's fine. I like clear. I've only ever dated one person before and that didn't turn out too well. High school rarely does. I like you Arthur and...if you want, we can date...I mean just us, no one else."

Arthur felt himself smile.

"Ok."

"Ok."

He started to go back to his studies when he felt Robert's hand on his. He looked up again when he saw him leaning in and he closed his eyes and felt his mouth on his.

It was brief and not as exciting as he remembered a kiss should be. Then again he hadn't kissed anyone since he was about thirteen so what the hell did he know.

He told Ariadne the next day and she was thrilled for him. He felt he should be happy too but he found himself lacking. 

Something felt off.

It almost felt unnatural and he didn't know why. When Christmas break rolled around, he couldn't wait to go home though he got random messages from Robert, 'I miss you' and 'I can't wait to see you' and though Arthur replied with the appropriate messages, he knew he didn't mean it.

They only dated until after the New Year when Arthur found himself squirming away from Robert rather then accepting his kissing and touching. He didn't know what was wrong and he felt it natural for to take the blame for their break up. Everyone was confused to their sudden and out of nowhere break up, Ariadne asking what went wrong.

"I don't know what went wrong. Robert's great, he's an amazing guy I guess...it's just me. Maybe I rushed into things too fast. I thought I wanted a boyfriend but with so much on my plate...I guess I'm not ready."

Ariadne nodded, touching her neck as she rested on her elbow.

"You should just sleep with some guy. That would totally relieve some stress."

"I should. My freshman year of college is almost over and I'm still a virgin."

"Easily taken care of you know."

Arthur nodded, knowing it was all too true.

So Arthur did what he always did, he ran. He put on his sweats over a pair of shorts, pulled on a long sleeved shirt over a t-shirt, a hoodie, pulled the hood over his head and ran around the track. He never listened to music, he felt it was distracting from what he was supposed to be focusing on, he just listened to himself, the pounding of his feet against the track, his breathing, the sound of the wind rushing past his ears, the environment around him. It didn't help with his problems, but it helped him get his mind off them, for at least a little while. When the muscles in his legs ached and he was sweating, he stopped, taking the hood off his head, feeling the cold air around him and he stretched his legs feeling good, feeling better somehow. 

Eventually, Robert was too nice of a guy to hold a grudge and asked Arthur if they could at least be friends. Arthur was more then fine with that. The awkwardness that was there when they were dating was gone and he found it weird that he could so be attracted to the guy but not physically want him. He thought maybe after he sorted himself out, he could ask Robert for another chance, if he wasn't seeing anyone by then anyway. 

Soon, finals were coming around and Arthur found himself dreading it. He studied and ate during that time, doing most of his studying alone in his room since he found he couldn't get much done with his friends. None of them could, they would end up talking about the upcoming summer, the next semester, rumors going around on their floors, gossip or funny stories they heard. So he studied alone, found some time for running now that winter track was over. Sometimes Robert joined him in studying in his room, sometimes Ariadne did, other times it was just him and Dom. He was getting exhausted and he hated how much studying he did and how many finals just seem to be coming at him. He couldn't wait for the semester to be over. One afternoon, he was taking a break with Ariadne, getting some coffee and sitting in the student center as she complained about her last midterm.

"It was some bullshit! All this math work in the end to write some open ended math essay! I was angry!"

Arthur laughed, taking a sip of his coffee as she sighed. Her hair was tied up as the shifting weather caused her to wear t-shirts with hoodies under them. She took a sip of her own coffee as she asked,

"How are your finals?"

"Hectic. But half way through."

"Oh, we're going to study tonight, want to join us?"

"We never get anything done."

She scoffed as she unzipped her hoodie, now warm from the coffee.

"That's the whole idea. We need a distraction. Come on, it'll be fun."

"Okay, but I'm getting actual studying in before I go."

She laughed at him, shaking her head.

That night, Arthur went back to his dorm, packed his bag and did some studying. Dom, who was about to leave, glanced at him.

"We are going to study."

"We never do."

He laughed, knowing that all too well.

"I'm going to get Mal and grab us a table. We might get some food too, pizza okay?"

"Sure. I'll be there in a little bit. Ari said she's coming by to get me after her last class."

Dom nodded as he grabbed his things and then left, leaving Arthur to study. It was another hour before he got a knock on the door and he got up to answer, seeing Ariadne on the other side. She looked proud and a little smug as Arthur turned to get his things.

"I totally kicked the shit out of my French final. Holy shit, I am so brilliant. I might go live in France."

Arthur laughed, stuffing his books in his bag as he said,

"So I take it you did well."

"Pssh, yeah! Come on, I'm starving."

"Dom said he's getting pizza."

"Awesome! Best day ever made better with free food!"

He laughed as he grabbed his hoodie and left, locking his door behind him. 

On their way to the lounge, Ariadne told him how easy the test was and she was so relieved it was over and she only had one more test! She was excited and as she talked, her phone buzzed. She took a second to answer it as she said,

"It was Robert. He's going to meet us there."

"Oh, I was going to text him."

"I'm so glad you guys are at least friends now."

"Me too. I feel like I blew it with him."

She laughed.

"Well you did. But he's nice enough to let it go."

Arthur rolled his eyes. As they approached the lounge, Arthur got his own text from Dom saying that the pizza was there and to hurry up. So Ariadne rushed, making him follow. The entered and headed towards their usual cluster of couches towards the large floor to ceiling windows where a round table stood between all the comfortable chairs. In the afternoon, the spot was coveted so they usually gathered there at night when the student center was mostly empty. As they approached them, Arthur noticed a fourth at the couch, which he found strange since there was no mention of anyone else joining. He thought maybe he was with Robert or Mal. Dom noticed him first as he said,

"Finally! It took you guys forever. Pizza just arrived too come on."

"It's not my fault, Arthur walks slow."

He shot her a look as he then looked back at Dom and asked how much he owed for the pizza but he waved it off.

"Don't worry about it. Hope you guys don't mind an extra, he's from my economics class, Ari, Arthur, this is Eames."

He stood up and Arthur felt the life flood from his entire body. His chest tightened and he swore he was mid stroke as Ariadne coughed a bit and said,

"Oh man, what a small world. We went to high school together."

Eames gave her a smile as he said,

"I knew, I knew you from somewhere. Hey Arthur."

As Arthur fumbled for words like 'hi' and 'how are you' Dom scoffed as he said,

"Well that was an introduction wasted. Eames why didn't you tell me you knew them?"

Eames looked away from Arthur and back at Dom,

"I didn't know you were talking about them specifically!"

Arthur's voice died in his throat and he shed his bag and left it with Ariadne as he said,

"I'll be right back." Though it sounded more like a forced whisper.

He turned and tried to make it seem as if he wasn't fleeing from the scene as he headed to the bathroom down the hall. He locked himself in the stall furthest away from the door as he covered his mouth with his hands, his eyes closed as he forced himself not to overreact. He couldn't have a break down now, with his friends all outside waiting for him. He couldn't shatter into a million pieces and go back out there looking as if he hadn't. So he stood in the stall by himself and shook, feeling...

...cheated. It just wasn't fair.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't fair! It wasn't at all fair...just as he started to move along, just as he started to feel as if one day he could be normal, just as he felt he could let go, he shows up, just like that, all lovely smiles and devastating accent and beautiful eyes, just like he belonged, in Arthur's group, with his friends, shattering all notions of normality and calmness in his life. It just wasn't. fair. 

And to top it all off, he didn't even have the luxury of having a nervous break down! He had to go back out there and act like nothing was wrong...he wished he could leave but that would arouse worry and concern, mainly from Mal and the was the last thing he wanted. When he felt as if he wouldn't fall apart at the seams, he took a breath and left the stall, returning to the group, all of them still talking and laughing, eating, even Eames, like he had always meant to be there. When he sat down and took a slice of pizza from the now nearly empty box, he noticed how everyone liked him right away.

Of course they would. 

He was funny and charming and nice. All the qualities Arthur knew he possessed which drove the whole world to love him. Especially him. He didn't remember much of that night, just eating a slice of pizza, opening a book and re-reading the same line over and over again as he listened to Eames. He listened to him talk about school, parties, going home for the holidays. He chimed in with funny comments at just the right moments, he was generous, offering to buy another pizza once the box was empty, he was smart as he and Dom talked economics, helping him grasp something from a lecture earlier, he was a gentleman, offering to step out with Mal when she craved a cigarette. 

Arthur felt like slipping into a coma. 

When the night was over and everyone began to start heading back, Arthur couldn't get away fast enough, dragging Ariadne with him, saying good night to everyone in a frenzy as they dashed out the door. She understood as she struggled to keep up his pace, her tiny legs burning to keep up with his pace until she finally shouted,

"Arthur! Arthur slow down! Arthur! Would you just stop!?"

She knocked into him as he suddenly stopped and faced her. She saw the torment in his eyes, his confusion, his anger, his still broken heart.

"Why is he here? When did he even start? Why is he here Ari? It's not fair! I was supposed to get over him, now was my time! I was doing so good too! I hadn't even thought about him in months and now he's here again, friends and classmates with my roommate no less! It's not fair!"

He fought the tears welling in his eyes and he hated that he couldn't control it. Arthur wasn't a crier, in fact he was hard pressed to be move to that point and the only two times he ever did cry, both had to do with Eames. He was tired of crying because of him and he pressed his hands to his face, feeling stupid again, wanting to hide, wanting to run. Ariadne hugged him, pressing her tiny frame to him, hanging onto the back of his hoodie with her small hands as she listened to his heart beating frantically against his chest. 

"It's okay...don't feel ashamed...I'm here for you."

He held onto her, needing that comfort, tears falling down his cheeks and once again he cursed the fact that it was because of Eames.

She stayed in his dorm room for a while. Letting him rest his head on her lap as she played with his hair, fingers twisting and untwisting in his curls as he lay on his side. It was quiet for a while, Dom still with Mal, a dim lamp light from his desk the only thing lighting up the room. He had calm down some, his eyes hurting from the crying, his throat dry, his chest sore. He slowly turned and looked up at Ariadne, seeing her sweet face looking back at him. He gave a weak smile as her hand stilled.

"Hey. You feeling better?"

He nodded.

"I'm going to get us some water. I'll be right back."

She waited until he sat up and then she got off the bed and grabbed her wallet from her book bag as she left his room, heading down the hall to wear the elevators were to the vending machine was. She was back in a matter of a moments, Arthur now sitting up, scrubbing at his face. After she closed the door, she got back on the bed with him and handed him the cold bottle of water. He took it and drank generously from it and then thanked her with a gasp.

"I didn't think I would have to see you like that again."

"Me either."

"Are you going to tell Dom?"

Arthur shook his head.

"It's best not to. I don't want him to feel awkward or stuck because of me. They're friends. He didn't know."

She nodded, toying with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

"We could always study alone."

He gave a small smile, handing her back the water.

"The semester is almost over. Luckily, I won't have to deal with it much longer. I can tough it out a couple of more weeks."

"Are you sure?"

"I spent all of high school doing it. What's a few more weeks?"

Dom didn't ask about Arthur's weird behavior. Mal did but he had to shrug it off and say it was nothing. Still, she looked at him as if she knew. Arthur went for a run every day after every class. It helped clear his mind and prepare him for the next possible time he was going to see Eames so he wouldn't be so wrecked the next time. He wasn't around the next time they met up to study, then again neither was Mal or Robert, both of them taking exams, so Arthur felt some relief meeting up with just Dom and Ariadne.

He didn't see him again for at least a week and he started to wonder if maybe he had some how hallucinated the whole thing. He found that quickly to be untrue as he came back from a run, covered in sweat, in desperate need of a shower but needing to stop at his room to drop off his track stuff first. As he got to the door, he saw it was open, which was nothing new, usually Dom left it open when Mal was over but as he stepped in, he saw Eames instead of Mal. His presence hit him like a sudden fist to the chest and he felt shaken and his knees shook. His bag slipped out of his hand immediately and they both looked at him, turning away from the laptop on Dom's desk.

"Arthur, you okay?" Dom asked.

"Yeah...just exhausted. It's getting so hot out."

"I told you not to run with all those layers on. One will due just fine."

He turned back to the screen but Eames kept looking at him. He cleared his throat as he leaned down slightly and picked up his bag, getting out of the way and trying to look as casual and nonchalant as possible.

"Hey Eames."

"Hey."

He set his bag down at the foot of his bed, giving his back to them, lifting up his sweatshirt and taking it off. He pulled off the long sleeved shirt next but left everything else on as he gathered his things for a shower, feeling paranoid, as if Eames' eyes are still on him. When he finally dares to look, he sees he was looking at Dom's computer screen the whole time and it was his paranoia. 

And still ever hopeful heart. 

He then left for a shower. When he came back to the room, his hair wet, his things in his hands, pajama pants on as well as a clean shirt with their school's name on it, he sees that Dom is gone, Eames now sitting in his chair, watching the screen.

"Where did Dom go?"

"Mal showed up. He went to let her in."

"Oh."

Arthur climbed on his bed, booting up his own laptop and dragging his book bag to him, opening it up and digging out his books. 

"You don't look to happy to see me."

He forgot that it was just he and Eames in the room and that his comment was directed to him. He looked up as he saw he still was focusing on the screen, not even bothering to face him.

"It's more shock then anything else."

"Why shock?"

He turned around then and Arthur got to look at him better this time. He still saw the little boy he knew that was once his best friend, but all at once saw the man he was becoming, who he had been in love with for so many years. Arthur realized he didn't know him anymore. He knew nothing about him anymore, what he liked, didn't like, what he thought about because they had not been friends in years. He saw the tattoos on his arms, peeking out from the sleeves of his powder blue t-shirt, loose on his body, tight around his shoulders. His hair was messy as it always was and he had some scruff around his chin and upper lip. He looked inviting and Arthur found himself as attracted to him as he ever was. He figured he was staring as he blinked a few times and looked back down.

"We haven't really talked in years and now you're friends with my roommate. What are the odds?"

"I see your point. Does it bother you that I'm around? I know you don't really care too much for me."

"What? Why would you think?"

He scoffed, turning around completely to face him now.

"Come on Arthur, you barely said a word when we studied before. You didn't even say hi to me. Then you ran the hell out of there the minute we packed up. One would clearly take that as dislike."

"It...I had somewhere to go."

Eames didn't believe him. He saw that look on Arthur's face and he knew he was lying. But he didn't press anything further, turning back to Dom's screen. A moment later, Dom and Mal came into the room and Mal greeted them both before sitting on Arthur's bed and talking with him for a few minutes. It was only another fifteen minutes before Eames checked his watch and said he had to be going. 

"All right then, I'll see you later then. There's supposed to be some big end of the semester party in one of the frat houses on the other side of campus, are you going?"

"Of course. Some guys I know from a fraternity are throwing it, they invited me."

"Great!"

Mal got up to say bye to him as he then looked at Arthur, who had been focusing on his book the entire conversation.

"Bye Arthur."

He looked up for a moment.

"Bye Eames."

He then left without another word and Mal got up, going back over to Dom's bed while Arthur's mind reeled and he did his best to focus.

He took it as dislike...Eames thought Arthur hated him. In a way, he sort of did, having spent his entire high school life pining away for him, trying to get over him, missing him and their friendship at the same time, always thinking Eames didn't care about him since middle school. But now...where things any different? He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to fuel his hopeful heart anymore, he didn't want to walk down the path that would always lead to a dead end and have his hopes crushed like they were before. He didn't want Ariadne to see him that way again. He knew Eames was not for him.

They attended the party, Arthur sticking with Ariadne the whole time and when she went to dance with some cute guy that had his eye on her, he sat by himself on the porch in front of the house. He sat with his hands empty, not big on drinking when he knew he had to watch over Ariadne. Mal joined him later as she smoked, her elegant face not belonging in a frat house party but she was having a good time. She wore fitted jeans, short heeled, ankle high boots and an off the shoulder dark gray shirt, her hair was curled short, to her chin, parted to the side and she wore a little make up as she sat beside him, smoking her cigarette.

"Are you all right?"

He nodded as she exhaled.

"You seem stressed lately."

"Finals and all that."

She touched her hair, pulling it back from her as she brought her cigarette to her mouth. She didn't get a chance to say anything else as Eames came out from the house, holding a plastic cup as he saw Mal.

"Hey, Mal, can I nip a fag from you?"

She nodded, turning and handing her pack of cigarettes to him. He took one as he squatted down and waited as she took her lighter out and then lit it for him.

"Thanks love."

She nodded as Arthur felt that stress Mal was talking about. It was quiet as they smoked until Mal was done and she threw down her finished cigarette and then rubbed it out with her shoe as she then pet Arthur's shoulder.

"Have some fun tonight sweetie, the stress will go away."

"Thanks Mal."

She then took Eames' cup with a giggle as she headed back in, the loud music escaping for a moment until the door shut again. Arthur stared ahead as he hugged his knees and thought about heading back in to find Ariadne but he heard the porch creak and then Eames sat beside him where Mal was sitting before. It was quiet again for a while until Arthur looked at him and said,

"I didn't know you smoked,"

"Started in high school."

"Oh..."

There was so much Arthur wanted to say but it wasn't the time. The words stuck in his throat.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Arthur felt thrown off by his sudden question and he cleared his throat and looked at him, seeing Eames take a drag from his cigarette, waiting for his response. He somehow looked even more attractive with the smoke exhaling from his mouth.

"No. I just broke up with someone."

"Ah."

Arthur wanted to ask him but he was afraid of the answer. Besides he had a feeling he knew already. He struggled to speak, to say something else but before he knew it, Eames was done and he headed back inside.

Arthur spent the rest of the party on the porch. 

Ariadne found him later, much to both of their surprises, she was sober though a little buzzed. He walked her back to her dorm and then went home himself, crawling into his bed and thinking over the space of time he just shared with Eames. He felt like he blew it...he couldn't stop thinking of all the years before when he had craved a word with him, a minute of his time to tell him something, anything...his chance had come and gone and he had blown it. But at the same time, he chastised himself for even wanting that time. It's not as if it would make a world of difference...Eames was not for him.

Before Arthur knew it, he had finished all his finals. He spent the last few days packing up his dorm room, putting in his paper work and forms for next semester, putting in to be Dom's roommate again. He had been excited that when he and Dom talked about it, he was all for being roommates again. They exchanged numbers, wanting to meet up over the summer and they would arrange something soon and before Arthur knew it, he was on his way back home for the summer. His parents were thrilled to have him back, they had missed him and he was glad that his room was just as it was when he left. 

After dinner, Ariadne called him and asked to hang out now that they were both home and he said sure. Once he got the okay from his parents, he went to his old car, still sitting in driveway. Being a freshman, he wasn't allowed to have his car at school but next semester he could and he was excited for that. As he got to the driver's side door, he looked up and saw Eames walking down the sidewalk. He hadn't seen him since the frat party in school a few weeks ago and he hadn't thought about seeing him now. His hand froze on the handle as Eames approached him.

"Hey."

"Hi...are you here to tell my mom something?"

Eames looked confused for a moment before he realized what Arthur meant as he then laughed a bit.

"No. I actually came to see you."

"Me? Why?"

He hadn't meant to sound so defensive and he could see Eames retreating already.

"Sorry..."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's...it's just been a while."

Eames said nothing. Neither did Arthur. He realized he left his hand on the handle of his car and he moved it away and looked at him. He cleared his throat, looking down at his driveway and Converse sneakers as he said,

"So, what's up?"

He heard Eames when he responded, but didn't look up at him. Instead he focused on his sneakers not too far from his own, the bunching of his loose jeans and that was all he saw.

"I wanted to see how you were. It was weird...seeing you so late in school. It was weird hanging out with you but not at the same time. Arthur..."

The way he said his name sent chills up his spine as he looked up and saw him. He leaned against his car, wearing a plain white shirt as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I just want to know one thing."

"What?"

"Do you still hate me? Because if you're forcing yourself to talk to me, then don't bother, I'll leave."

Arthur shook his head.

"I don't hate you. I just feel awkward since we haven't spoken in so long."

Eames nodded.

"I understand."

It was quiet again and the time seem to stretch out forever. Arthur scuffed his toe against the asphalt as he then looked up at Eames who seem to be waiting. When they looked at each other again, Eames got off his car as he said,

"I'm probably keeping you. I'll see you around."

He started to leave as Arthur stopped him, meeting him at the end of his driveway.

"This is going to sound...weird but I have to know."

Eames waited for him to go on.

"Are....are we friends now or are you just making amends so you can hang out with Dom without feeling awkward that I'm there?"

Eames looked a little insulted as he let his hands drop to his side.

"Geez Arthur...you really think I'd do this to make it more conveniente to hang out with Dom?"

Arthur felt foolish as he looked down again.

"I'm sorry."

He heard him sigh and he looked back up.

"Can we hang out soon?"

Arthur nodded. Eames gave him a half, soft smile in response.

"Great. I'll stop by soon then."

"Ok."

He then watched him turn and go back home. Arthur stood by his car for a little while, long after Eames had gone back home and he felt good...and he cursed himself, feeling all those stupid, juvenile feelings he had when he was twelve.


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur decided the smart thing to do would be not to wait around. He would hate himself to no end if he sat in his room every day until Eames showed up so he went out as often as he could, to see Ariadne, to arrange plans with Dom and drive the hour to see him, even if he just went out to run around the neighborhood, he refused to wait. After a long run one afternoon, he came inside and was surprised to see Eames sitting on the couch, talking with his mom. He closed the door behind him, the air conditioning feeling good on his sweat slicked skin. 

"Oh there you are! I'm sure Eames was bored to death of me."

His mom smiled, standing up as Arthur stood there dumbfounded. He hadn't expected to see Eames, at all despite his word to show up soon. Besides, it had been two weeks already.

Not that Arthur was keeping track. 

"Hey..."

"Hey. Looks like my timing was off."

Arthur looked down at himself as he saw what he was referring to.

"Oh, I can just hop in the shower...mom could you keep him company, I'll be back in ten minutes."

She nodded as she then lead Eames into the kitchen for refreshments while he raced upstairs and showered. As he pulled a clean shirt over his head, he wasn't sure why he felt nervous or unsteady or unsure...actually he did and he hated himself for it. He was sure that if Eames wanted anything, it was to make amends with each other so when they returned to school, it wouldn't be awkward. He was sure of it and he told himself so over and over again, even as he tied on his Converse and then headed back down and into the kitchen. He was holding a glass of lemonade, not really drinking it though it looked half drained already and he was alone.

"Where did my mom go?"

Eames looked up from the glass he was focusing on as he answered,

"My mum called her. She went to finish the laundry and talk to her, she didn't have to baby sit me."

"Oh...so...do you want to go somewhere?"

"Sure."

He finished his glass and then left it by the sink as he followed Arthur out. 

They opted for a walk and it was quiet the entire time they walked. It was a hot summer day, the sun still out only being late afternoon and the bugs flew and Arthur felt himself sweating again. He wasn't sure what to talk to Eames about anymore...he was a stranger now. When they got to the parking lot of their old middle school, they stopped and looked around for a while, neither one saying anything until Arthur brought up the only thing they had in common, college.

"Are you going back next semester?"

Eames seemed caught off guard by the sudden question but he recovered.

"Yeah. You?"

"Uh huh. What's your major anyway?"

"Art history, minor in French."

"Why French?"

"Thought if I ever got a job in the field it would be impressive to know another language."

He nodded.

"What about you?"

"Undecided. I haven't really thought about what I should do. I left it at Liberal Studies and I figured I could change it this year."

He nodded and Arthur looked down, trying to get more from the only thing between them. He didn't want to off handily start talking about their past. Before he could think of anything though, Eames asked him,

"Where you dating that Robert guy?"

"Robert Fischer? Yeah I did before. How did you know?"

He gave a shrug, looking off into the distance.

"I could tell by how he looks at you. He probably still has feelings for you."

"Oh...that's good to know. I had to break it off before because I was stressed but I always thought about getting back with him whenever I was clear if he would take me."

He felt he said too much but Eames was sometimes difficult to read. He changed the subject.

"Are you still going to live on campus?"

"Yeah. It's easier that way."

"Yeah."

The outing is not as successful as Arthur had ever hoped. They sit in silence a lot of the time and only talk about school and their parents. Arthur is afraid to broach any other subject and Eames seems to not want to talk about anything else. Feeling defeated about an hour later and torn up by insect bites, Arthur decides to go home. Eames nods, not fighting to keep him or change his mind which just makes Arthur feel even dumber then he had this whole time. When he gets up from the tree they had used as shade, Eames started to get up too but Arthur tells him not to worry about it and turns to leave without another word.

"So I'm pining away to talk to him for years and it turns out to be pointless."

He complains to Ariadne, the only person he ever trusted with this whole disaster. He hates himself for ever feeling hopeful, for ever thinking this could blossom into something else. He tells Ariadne everything, every word, every bout of silence, every action on both their parts. In the end, she listens and says,

"Maybe this is what you need to get over him."

Arthur couldn't agree more.

He doesn't seek Eames out for the rest of the summer and Eames doesn't show up either. Before he knows it, summer is over and Arthur is packing up to go back to school. He drives himself this time, his parents giving him money, saying good bye for the time being and he goes to school. He manages to bring in half his stuff to his new dorm before Dom shows up and they hug and laugh and talk a bit before returning to the parking lot to lug up their things, helping each other along the way. Mal manages to show up as they're unpacking and she helps Dom with his clothes before helping Arthur. When they're done, they're tired and hungry so they swing by Ariadne's dorm and scoop her up before heading to the student center for food and coffee. When they return to their dorms, Arthur texts Robert, asking if he was around yet. Robert tells him he is but he's not done packing but they should meet up soon. Arthur agrees.

He goes back to his schedule, winter track, studying and trying to decide on a major. His social calendar is once again open, having been reunited with his friends. Dom talks about moving off campus next semester with Mal, which gives him the idea to move with Ariadne. They talk about over coffee in the mornings and Ariadne likes the idea. 

It's heavy into midterms and studying and exhaust as Arthur goes to classes all day, then goes to track practice and then comes back in time for a shower and a social life, wedging studying in there somewhere. Parties kick off randomly, sometimes they go, sometimes, they don't. Half way through Arthur begs for release. 

"Please tell me of some kind of event where we can get drunk. My brain is fried and I can't study anymore."

Ariadne laughs.

"Mine too. I think my building is having something on Friday. We can check it out."

Arthur is more then willing.

After finishing off his math mid term, feeling he failed it, Arthur goes to practice, comes back to his dorm and changes to meet Ariadne. Dom and Mal stay in, having to study so it's just him and Ariadne. They go to the basement of her building where a huge party is going on, mostly in the dark with questionable smoke, loud body grinding music and alcohol. They drink and dance and Arthur takes this the way he takes running, with something to take his mind off his problems, his problem being school for once. As he and Ariadne drink their beers from red plastic cups, he notices Eames. He joined the events, a girl at his side and he greeted some of the people at the door. Arthur turned and looked at Ariadne, feeling buzzed and light from the beer, now feeling worn and heavy. He leaned over to her and said,

"Eames just walked in."

She looked over his shoulder and narrowed her eyes as she then shouts back,

"He did. You want me to wreck him?"

He laughed. Nevermind that Ariadne was the size of his leg, it was a sweet thing to ask nonetheless.

"No, it's okay. I think...I think I'm starting to get over him."

She jumped up and down a little, spilling some of her beer as she congratulated him. 

"You are so drunk."

She nodded, not bothering to deny it as she took another drink.

Being a light weight, Arthur knew he needed air at one point and he stumbled outside and sat on the grass outside of Ariadne's building. His head was swimming but the cool air did him some good. He eventually got up again on shaky legs and started to make his way back to the party only to discover that he had no entry. The building had a card key system that only residents had access to and Arthur had arrived with Ariadne, a resident. He sighed, feeling it was probably a sign that he should go home and sleep his drunkeness off. As he turned to leave, he heard the door open and he was hopeful he was able to get back in only he saw Eames instead. He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth and a lighter in one hand as he stepped out, still holding the door.

"You going back in?"

"Uh...no. Actually I was about to go home."

He watched as he let go of the door and it locked behind him as he lit his cigarette.

"How are you getting back in?"

Eames took a long drag and then exhaled as he pointed to the lobby. The girl he had come with was sitting on the couches, looking drunk herself.

"Oh...your date."

He didn't mean for the word to come off so bitter but it had. Eames gave him an amused look.

"Not my date. Just a girl I know."

Arthur felt the alcohol surge through him and the words came out faster then he could stop them.

"I wanted to be your date once. But not anymore. I'm over you. I thought all this time that you were just...self....selfish...and you didn't want to be my friend anymore. Turns out, I was right."

Eames looked at him, that unreadable expression on his face as he smoked.

"You're drunk."

"So? It doesn't make what I say any less true. It makes it more true."

He wanted to turn and leave, but his legs and brain where not on the same wave length and he started walking before he turned completely and ended up tripping, stumbling some but not falling. Nonetheless, Eames came to help him anyway and Arthur snatched his arm away from the offending hand.

"I don't need your help."

Eames stepped back, letting him go and Arthur sat himself down on the concrete. He felt the anger washing away as he looked up at him again and he rubbed his eye.

"Why didn't you want to be my friend anymore? Is it because we kissed?"

Eames sat beside him, exhaling the last of his cigarette and rubbing it out near his sneaker.

"Now is not really the time to get in the details. You wouldn't remember anyway."

Arthur wanted to know, his muddled mind told him so but in an attempt to lean back, his hand slid and he fell back, the now horizontal position knocking him out cold. Eames let him lay there for a second before going back to the door, getting his friend and passing along a message to Ariadne. He then returned to Arthur and hoisted him up, carrying him to his room.


	8. Chapter 8

Arthur remembered nothing. He didn't recall being carried back to his room, or being handed off to Dom and Mal and being put in his bed after removing his shoes. He didn't even remember half of what he said to Eames that night. All he did know was that he woke up feeling like hell, his tongue stuck to the inside of his mouth, his throat dry and painful, his head heavy and foggy. He groaned when he woke up, wishing he hadn't as he heard Dom,

"I'm glad you didn't puke."

Arthur couldn't even answer. He covered his head up with his blankets and groaned under them. He felt his eyes close and for a second he thought he fell asleep again when he felt something against his wrist. He moved back the blankets and saw Dom pressing a bottle of water his hand. He took it and drank, instantly feeling his tongue unstick, his throat now a bit better as he croaked out,

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Arthur drank more until he felt a stinging sensation on his palm and he looked at it seeing the skin on the heel of his hand had been scraped off and was still red and angry looking, bits of dirt and gravel embedded in the wounds.

"What happened last night?"

"I don't know. Eames brought you back. Said you were smashed and handed you off."

"Oh..."

He tried to remember what happened but he couldn't. He just had fragments of memory, of the sky, of seeing Eames smoking while he was outside. But he couldn't remember if they talked. Dom suggested he try to sleep some more, get through the worse of it. Arthur couldn't agree more.

When he woke up again, Mal was there and he had no idea what time it was. His head felt better though his mouth and throat where still dry. He sat up, unearthing himself from the pile of blankets as Mal cooed.

"There he is. Hello sweetheart, how do you feel?"

She got up from Dom's side and went over to Arthur, petting his hair.

"Like hell."

She laughed a bit as Dom got up next. He started tugging on his shoes as he said,

"I'm going to grab some food off campus. Arthur I'm bringing you back some soup."

"Thanks..."

"I'll keep him company Dom."

"I'll be back in like twenty minutes."

They nodded and he left. Mal handed him his phone as she said,

"Your phone went off a few times."

He thanked her and looked over his phone, the first couple of messages from Ariadne though they made no sense thanks to auto correct. The next two from her made more sense, one saying 'feel like hell, woke up on the floor of my dorm' the other said, 'still alive. you?' He responded back to her seeing her last message was about twenty minutes ago. 

'still alive. Sorry for bailing last night, don't remember what happened.'

He set his phone down as he looked at Mal and rubbed his eye.

"What happened? I know Dom is brief with details."

"Well, Eames carried you in. You were passed out cold against him and he suggested carrying you to your bed but Dom had you. We took you to bed and while I pulled off your shoes, Eames stuck around for a bit, said he wanted to make sure you were okay, said you were splendidly smashed."

"Did he say if we talked?"

She shook her head, the shorter part of his hair that couldn't reach the ponytail fell around her lovely face. She drew up her jean covered legs, resting her socked feet on his bed as she wrapped her arms around them.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you have feelings for Eames?"

Arthur felt his throat go dry again as he looked away. He pushed back the blankets as he sat up and rested against the wall next to his bed. He was still in his clothes from last night with the exception of his sneakers, even his track hoodie as he pushed his hair back.

"You don't have to answer. It would just make sense...the way you behave around him sometimes."

"I use to...but I'm over him."

As he said that, bits of last night came to him and he remembered telling Eames that. The heat that rushed to his face made him feel dizzy as he brought his hands up to his face, hiding behind them.

"Oh god..."

Mal was worried, thinking he might be sick as she got up, asking if he needed a wastebasket.

"No...it's not that..I just remembered something awful."

He had told him, in some sense. The next day, Arthur found Ariadne and dragged her out to get coffee as he panicked and told her what happened. At least what he remembered.

"Ari, I told him, I babbled it out when I was drunk. I don't remember all of it, but I remembered telling him I was over him. God..."

She frowned a bit as she took a sip from her cup.

"Maybe...maybe it's not as bad as you think?" She offered hopefully.

But Arthur knew. He had drunkenly babbled something to Eames and he didn't know what it was. He also knew he couldn't ask him, the embarrassment held him by the core and he felt heat washing over his face every time he thought about it.

"I'm never drinking again..."

Arthur avoided Eames for weeks. The most time he spent around him was just saying hi whenever he was in the room with Dom before rushing out to either shower or just using the excuse of dropping off his stuff and hiding out in Ariadne's room no matter how exhausted he was. The running helped as well and he always felt better when he ran for at least an hour. When Thanksgiving break rolled around, Arthur headed home with Ariadne. She was actually excited to go home for once, mid terms where mostly behind them, she had nailed everything and now a week off with nothing but food. Her family wasn't too bad so she was looking forward to seeing them too. Arthur felt relief about going home and he was looking forward to actual food and more over, not worrying about avoiding Eames. After dropping Ariadne off at her house and saying hi to her parents and her brother, he went home. He was happy to his parents and they talked for a while before Arthur went to his room.

Over the week, his parents went through all the usual traditions of cooking, decorating and cleaning up as more and more family start showing up. After a couple of uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends of the family show up and every sits to have dinner, Arthur stepped out, his stomach full and aching and he felt like he should walk off the meal. He thought about going to Ariadne's house and after pulling up the collar of his peacoat, he texted her to see what's going on. As he looked up, thinking about walking a bit of the heavy meal off, he sees Eames. He curses the fact that they don't live that far from each other at home, making it all the more difficult to avoid him. He was wearing his winter coat, jeans, a pair of boots and he held something in his hands. Once he saw Arthur, he stopped short and then looked down before looking back up and kept going. He came up to him and handed him what turned out to be a casserole dish.

"My mum sends this with regards."

He turned and started to leave again and Arthur suddenly felt really sad. Their last conversation at his house started off so hopeful though it ended up going nowhere. He looked down at the covered dish as he went after Eames,

"Hey, hold on a second."

He stopped and turned back to him, waiting.

"What? My family is over and everyone is waiting for me to get back."

Arthur realized he had no plan and he realized he had probably made a mistake.

"I..um..."

He cleared his throat, his eyes looking down at Eames' coat. He heard him sigh in annoyance and Arthur looked back at him.

"You've been avoiding me and now you want to waste my time?"

"I haven't been avoiding you!"

"Yes you have! I don't know what your deal is Arthur, you say you don't hate me but then you won't talk to me when I ask to hang out with you. You say you don't care if I'm friends with Dom but then you won't even be in the same room if I'm there, you've even blown off your own friends because I'm there. Then you pass out on a sidewalk, make me carry you home and then you can't even say thank you afterwards."

"I'm sorry!"

His face was burning with embarrassment now, his neck hot from the collar as he glanced down again. He doesn't know what to say, what to do and he feels humiliated, standing there holding a casserole dish as a defense. 

"I'm sorry...I felt like an asshole when I got drunk and...just...said...stuff. I couldn't face you."

"You didn't say anything that bad."

"Yes I did."

It felt like a perfect time to come clean. A realization hit him then that, maybe that was he couldn't let go. If he spilled and told him of his feelings and once and for all, he could finally face facts, know Eames was not for him and he could move on. But when he looked up at him, his unreadable expression staring back at him, he couldn't. The words froze up in his throat and he looked back down.

"I'm going home. I'll see you later."

Arthur watched him leave and didn't say another word to stop him. He took a deep breath, his voice shaking in his throat as tears stung at his eyes.

"I'm not over you..."


	9. Chapter 9

Before break was over, Arthur managed to get some time with Ariadne. She came over after Thanksgiving and was offered a big piece of pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream from his mom which she gratefully took with a thanks and followed Arthur upstairs to his room. They sat on the floor as she wolfed down the pie, humming to herself as she then set the fork down with a clank.

"Your mom makes the best pumpkin pie. What's her secret, magic? You know, we should get married and that way I can come over for Thanksgiving dinner and gorge on this pie."

"That's a lot of effort for pie. I can just always save you some."

"Or that."

He laughs a bit, seriously finding humor in her joke as she then wipes at her mouth with the provided napkin.

"So, what's up? Was your dinner good? Had a lot of family?"

"Yeah...you know how I asked you what was up last night and you couldn't hang out?"

She nodded.

"It was good you couldn't. I saw Eames yesterday. He came by to drop something off from his mom and I tried to tell him I was embarrassed from the party at school and he was just so angry with me. He thinks I hate him."

"You can't blame the guy."

Arthur is thrown off by her statement.

"W-what?"

She she tucks her hair behind her ear as if hesitating to find the proper words.

"Come on Arthur...you guys don't speak for years right? And I'm the only one who knows how you really feel about him right? And you're terrified he'll find out so you make no effort to be at all friendly, even when he does it first."

"He was never friendly first."

She gave him this look which instantly made him feel stupid for denying it.

"Then in school, you see him and have a panic attack which to me, I understand, to the rest of the world, not so much. That poker face you perfected in debate is working against you."

"Yeah but I told you how when we talked over the summer he seemed like he didn't even want to be there. We talked about school the whole time."

"Ever stop to think that maybe he's feeling just as shy and awkward as you were? You guys haven't spoken in years, he's making the effort but there's nothing to build on except school, what did you expect?"

Arthur lets his head fall back on his bed as he sighs deeply.

"Goood....stop giving me all this hope! I just want to get over him, get a boyfriend, have ridiculous amounts of sex with him, finish school and get a nice apartment with said boyfriend before we adopt children closest resembling one of us. It's never going to happen if he's friends with my roommates and wants to be friends with me. How can I get over him if he's always present, reminding me of how perfect and sweet and hot he is?"

"Nice life plan."

"Shut up."

He picked his head back up as he looked at his best friend, his new best friend and he felt comfortable with her having the title.

"Ari...I don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't love me back. Who will never love me back. I'm wasting my life on him. Even as his friend...I know...my heart knows if I'm even his friend, I'll be torturing myself. I'll have to watch him date all over again until he finds someone he likes long enough for it to be love. I'll have to watch him love someone else. I'll have to watch him get married and I'll have to do it all with a smile on a face while I'm dying inside."

The very ideas play out in his mind like a movie and the pain that shoots through him, the tears welling up in his eyes make him stop talking as he brought the heel of his palm to his eye. Once he got control of himself, he sighed again.

"Maybe I should let him think I hate him. He wouldn't be around anymore..."

"Arthur..."

"I'm running on empty...I can't do this anymore."

"It's not the best way to go about it."

"I can't think of anything else to do."

Ariadne doesn't either.

After break, they both drive home and Arthur makes up a new plan. He decides to tell Dom and Mal. Mal already had a vague idea and Dom needed the details and Ariadne tells him this is a much better course of action. Once they return to their rooms, Arthur unpacks a bit and sits with his laptop until Dom comes home. He's glad to see him and they hug and Arthur sits back down while Dom unpacks. When he's done, Arthur asks if Mal is coming by.

"Yeah she'll be here soon. We didn't get to see each other much over break. She came over for dinner but that's it. What's up?"

"I rather wait till Mal gets here so I don't have to explain it twice."

"Is it serious?"

"Not really."

"Ok."

Dom waits. While they wait, they go through Facebook and talk about their break and the relief of sleep and real food. Dom talks about his mom and his siblings, of which he has three of, two older brothers and a younger sister. He isn't very close to any of them but Mal gets along with his sister mostly and often encourages him to try a bit harder. It's not out of spite mainly age difference that keeps Dom and his siblings separate but Mal has a close knit family of just her mother, father and herself but she loves them more then anything and wishes Dom had the same. Arthur nodded as he listened, understanding how that went, he was still in middle school when his sister went to college and he rarely saw her afterwards so the age gap accounted for a lot of things. Eventually Mal called, Dom went to let her in and Arthur waited. Within a matter of moments, after greetings and Mal settling down, Dom tells her,

"Arthur needs to tell us something."

She looked concerned and Arthur gave a half formed smile, trying to comfort but really looking hurt. He can see they're both waiting so he starts.

"I'm in love with Eames. This isn't a new thing either. I've been in love with him since I was twelve. I've tried...really hard to get over him but...I can't."

Dom looked surprised but Mal looked as if something had just been confirmed.

"Is me being friends with him messing you up?"

"No, no, no!" He feels panic for a moment, afraid this would happen. "It kind of...threw me off guard when I saw him here...and I would never ask you to not be friends with someone but all I ask is that if he comes by and I'm not here, could you text me and let me know?"

Mal looked sad, frowning as she sat on the edge of the bed and reached out for his hand.

"Arthur...you shouldn't do that."

"You don't understand. I've been in love with him since we were twelve years old. We use to be best friends but we grew apart and I never got over him. I've spent my entire life, pining for a man who will never love me back. That's no way to live."

"Have you ever told him?"

"I could never...it would make him uncomfortable."

He sighed deeply, keeping control of his emotions, not wanting to break down in front of Mal and Dom.

Mal looked at her boyfriend, worried for their friend as she then looked back at Arthur.

"You shouldn't avoid him. It's not very mature aside from it being a bad idea."

"But I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I hit my limit."

Dom then interjected.

"Maybe you should avoid him."

"Dom!" Mal shouted at him.

"No, hear me out. Maybe for just a little while, give yourself some time to sort your head. Then maybe you'll have an idea by then. Eames will buy that you're busy for at least a few days."

Mal's anger softened as she then looked back at Arthur and agreed with Dom. Arthur nodded, hoping they were right.

Arthur went for a run after his last class. It was colder those days and he purposely went running after Dom texted him to let him know Eames was in their room. The cold made his face red, burned his lungs, chapped his lips, made his eyes water but he kept his speed, kept running, feeling the sweat form at his brow and run down the sides of his face under his hood. He could feel the impact of it on his feet, his thighs ached from the muscle burning but it kept him focused. It was almost two hours later, when he finally stopped resting his hands on his knees as he stood doubled over, gasping for air. He had run steadily for the entire time and he pulled the hood off his head and ran his fingers through his sweat soaked hair, finally standing up and breathing somewhat regularly as he walked around the track and grabbed his things as he headed back to his dorm. He stopped only to check his messages seeing a new one from Dom, telling him the room was free, they had gone to grab some lunch. 

It went on like that until Christmas break. Arthur kept finding excuses around Dom and Mal who were encouraging him to talk to Eames again. Luckily, as much as they urged, they never pushed. While he studied with Ariadne one night in the coffee shop, the student center too dangerous now, she looked up from her work, tucking her hair behind her ear as she asked,

"Have you spoken to Robert lately?"

"Yeah, we had lunch yesterday. And then he kept me company while I ran yesterday. Why?"

"Just curious. How about Eames?"

Arthur, who had not looked up from his work, looked up then. He was still wearing his glasses as he shook his head.

"I don't know what to say to him yet."

"He asked me about you yesterday."

"What did you say?"

"He just asked how you were and I said fine. He looked like he wanted to ask me more but he didn't."

Arthur looked back down at his notes as Ariadne continued.

"I think you should talk to him."

"I think everyone needs to leave me alone about this. I didn't tell my closest friends how I felt about him so everyone could pressure me into something I don't want to do. Why is it so difficult for you, for Dom, for Mal to understand that it is painful to talk to him? Why don't you guys get that I won't get over him by being close to him?"

"Arthur, don't get mad at me. We're trying to help."

"Well you guys aren't helping!"

"Arthur..."

He sighed, slamming down his pen as he rubbed his forehead. He held his breath for a little while before letting go and looked back up at Ariadne.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just frustrated. I feel like I'm stuck between a wall and a rock. I have no place to go because no matter what I do...I'm fucked. I don't want to be his friend...because I know if I go down that path, I'll never move on. But I don't want him to think I hate him...because I don't."

Ariadne nodded, looking up from her work again.

"Can I suggest one more thing?"

"Yeah..."

"Just tell him."

Arthur shook his head.

"I can't."

Ariadne didn't push the subject anymore.

When Christmas break rolled around, Arthur and Ariadne went home for winter break. They talked the entire trip and once they got to Ariadne's house he stopped in to say hi to her family and then went home himself. He spent the first few days at home helping his parents decorate and then when his sister came home, she helped their mom bake and make dinner. She had announced that she was engaged and their mother was thrilled. She promised to bring her fiancee home soon and Arthur smiled and was happy for her though felt a bit of pain and longing. After they had dinner, Ariadne texted him, asking if she could come over and after checking with his mom, he said yes. About twenty minutes later, she knocked on the door and Arthur let her in. She wore a puffy red parka that made her look tinier then she really was, her hair loose and hanging past her shoulder, a yarn knit cap on her head. She wore fuzzy boots and jeans and she pulled off her hat as she stepped inside.

"It's freezing out there!"

Arthur's mother greeted her as she said,

"Hello, Ariadne. I heard it was supposed to snow today."

"Hello Mrs. Cohen. I kind of hope it does. I almost miss the snow."

"You say that now, wait until you kids have to go back to school." Said Mr. Cohen.

Ariadne laughed as Mrs. Cohen offered her some cookies. Ariadne of course said yes. She followed his mother into the kitchen, saying hi to Arthur's sister as she got a plate of cookies and some milk as Arthur snagged one for himself and they headed upstairs. Once in his room, Arthur sat on the edge of his bed as Ariadne snacked away.

"Do you only come here to eat?"

"Your mom-"

"Yes I know, magic."

She set the plate down as she left her hat on the floor on the other side of her as she unzipped her coat, revealing her thick black sweater as she took out two gifts. She set them on the floor in front of her as Arthur laughed a bit as he said,

"Are we exchanging gifts now?"

"Yeah, we won't be able to see each other on the holiday itself so, why not now?"

Arthur agreed and got up, heading to his closet as he took out his gift for Ariadne as he sat in front of her on the floor and gave her the rectangle sized box. She clapped her hands excitedly as she took the box, thanking him as she tore off the paper and opened the lid off of it and saw a beautiful blouse inside. She held it up and put it against herself as she oo-ed and touched the fabric.

"I love it! Thank you!"

He smiled, glad she liked the simple striped button down shirt. She then set it back down in the box and handed him her gift.

"You next!"

He took it and thanked her as he tore off her sloppy wrapping job and saw it was a book he had been wanting to read. He was excited, always meaning to buy it but always forgetting.

"You remembered!"

"Of course!"

In his excitement, already wanting to read his new book, he nearly forgot about the second gift Ariadne took out of her coat until he saw it from the corner of his eye. He set the book on his lap as he looked at the gift on the floor.

"What's that? Did you bring me two gifts?"

He laughed as Ariadne set her gift in front of her as she picked up the other package as she looked at it before looking at Arthur.

"It's not from me."

Arthur looked at her slightly confused as she handed it to him.

"It's from Eames."

Arthur froze up looking at the brightly colored red wrapping paper, a simple silver bow on top. It was a medium sized box but to Arthur it could have been anything in the world.

"Why would Eames get me anything?"

She shrugged, still handing it to him.

"He asked me to give it to you before we came home."

Arthur finally took it and weighed it in his hands, not really thinking about what could be inside, just consumed with the fact that it was from Eames. Ariadne picked up her cookies again as she took a bite from one and looked at him.

"Aren't you going to open it?" She asked in between bites.

Arthur only set it down beside him and picked up his book again.

"No."

Long after Ariadne had gone home and his parents were asleep and his sister was in the guest room, Arthur stayed up and read his book. He was deep into reading when he yawned and figured he should call it a night when he sat up and looked down at the floor, seeing Eames' still wrapped gift on the floor. His curiosity poked him and he kept telling himself he should hide it or at the very least open it just to see what it was and then thank him. He kept thinking Ariadne might be right and he should tell Eames how he felt but he couldn't even bring himself to fantasize about that. He got out of bed and sat on the floor in front of the haunting red box and he slowly pulled off the silver bow before tearing the paper loose, a strip at a time until he was left with a small plain white box that had more length then height. He felt around for a seam until he found it and opened it seeing a gift card to one of his favorite clothing stores. He thought it weird and almost impersonal until he noticed a card at the bottom. He picked it up, flipping it open to read it.

'Arthur -

I wasn't sure what to get you. I had to ask Ari what you liked but she was no help other then you liked this store. Since you won't talk to me, I figured this was the only way for me let you know that I'm still willing to be friends. Whatever I said or did to make you angry with me, please tell me so I can make amends. 

\- E'

It took Arthur nearly half an hour to get in touch with Dom and once he did, he got Eames' cell phone number. After getting it, Arthur pulled on his sweatshirt over his t-shirt, leaving his flannel pajama pants on and grabbed his coat as he tugged on his sneakers as he snuck out of his house and ran down the street to Eames' house. He panted as he took out his phone and texted Eames, standing in front of his house, telling him where he was. As he waited, it began to snow and he shivered as he waited for a response, a sign...something. Suddenly, the front door opened and Eames stepped out, wearing his pajama pants and a black parka, a cigarette in his mouth as he closed the door behind him. He approached Arthur after lighting it and he crossed his arms in front of him, the snowflakes catching in his messy hair.

"I take it Ariadne gave you my gift."

"I don't hate you," He blurted out

Eames looked down and then back up as he took a drag and then exhaled.

"I'm glad."

"But I can't be friends with you either."

"Can I at least know why?"

"Because...because..."

The words stuck in his throat and he felt cold. He couldn't even look away from Eames now and as his bottom lip shivered, he watched Eames smoke.

"I missed our friendship Arthur. Throughout school, I tried to find a reason to talk to you again but then I felt it was wrong since so much time passed. And then when I finally plucked up the courage to at least wave, you looked...so angry. I blame myself. I should have never let so much time go by. I should have tried harder."

"I should have too."

It was quiet again and Arthur brought his arms up around himself, trying to quell his shivering despite it not really being that cold.

"I have feelings for you Eames. I have for a really long time. I'm sorry...I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable...but that's why I can't be your friend. I wouldn't want you to be awkward around me or our friends at school."

"What?"

"I'm sorry..."

He felt the tears sting his eyes and he finally looked away, still shivering. Though he felt relief that he finally knew, it didn't ease the pain in his chest. He knew what was coming now and the very idea made his entire body tighten as if he was bracing for a punch. Instead, he saw as Eames threw away his cigarette and suddenly he grabbed his arms and made him look up.

It wasn't the punch Arthur expected but he was nearly knocked off his feet as he felt Eames kissing him.


	10. Chapter 10

The surge of memories that tore through his mind was almost overwhelming. It was like he was twelve all over again only now things where so much different. They weren't in his closet, he knew where to place his hands now and Eames knew what he was doing. He had enough presence of mind to close his eyes and let himself fall into it...whatever it was.

It was so different yet so familiar, the shape of his lips, the taste of him and his scent, that scent that always made him think of Eames. His breath was different now, instead of soda or the dinner he just ate, he tasted like cigarettes with just a hint of mint behind it. His face was no longer smooth, but had scruff around his chin, over his lip and it brushed against Arthur's smoother face and his hands where much stronger, larger then before. 

And the spark...god the spark of it, the feeling that threatened to push Arthur over. It was the spark he had only ever felt with him, the spark that lacked when he kissed Robert. He knew at that very moment why he had broken up with Robert, not stress, not being unprepared, but because he really was waiting for Eames, for this. In the privacy of his mind where even there he was afraid to admit it, he was waiting, he was hoping, dreaming, fantasizing that some how, Eames really was for him. He spent many nights thinking about it, dipping back to the memories of their youth where they had spent countless hours touching each other, kissing each other, all in the name of practice. Arthur had stopped considering it practice when Eames made him come the very first time, because he knew he wanted Eames and Eames alone to be the only one that made him come. The very idea of someone else doing it, was foreign and felt wrong and unnatural. 

This...this felt right.

Before he drowned, Arthur realized what was happening and he gripped the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling back, seeing his unreadable face.

"Why...?" He whimpered out.

He cursed himself for asking. He should have stayed quiet, asking for more, kissing him again for all the years they didn't talk. Eames looked at him as if he was questioning himself.

"I don't know. I just made everything worse didn't I?"

Arthur nodded. There was no sense in lying now.

"I should go home...it's late and it's cold."

Eames nodded as he bit his bottom lip and slowly started to let him go. Arthur gradually loosened his grip and when he let go, he felt as if he had just imagined all that.

Go...he told himself. Go home, get this out of your mind, forget it, all of it. But he didn't move a step. Not until Eames stepped back first, his hands now away, the warmth gone and the cold air snapped him back to earth. He didn't want to ruin anything any further so he turned on his heel and started to go. He got about half way down the sidewalk when he heard Eames' voice asking him to wait. At first he thought he heard it because he wanted to so he kept going until he felt the weight of his hand on his wrist.

"Arthur...wait."

He turned back to see him, Eames' still unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes were dark. Snow clung to his messy hair and on the shoulders of his black parka and Arthur looked down at his wrist before looking back at Eames. 

They said nothing else. Eames just took his wrist and stepped back before turning slightly and walking, Arthur following silently. They walked to his house, Eames opening the door, stepping in, still grasping Arthur's wrist as he pulled him in, Arthur following. He closed the door, locking it as they headed upstairs. Even through the dark, Arthur could see very little had changed in the years he had not been to his house, the same couches, a new coffee table, new photos of Eames on the wall but he only glanced for a moment as he reached the second floor and walked down the familiar hallway to Eames' room. It was still dark inside and the door closing behind them continued darkening the room. Eames didn't turn on a light, but Arthur could still see him, the shape of him shedding his coat, Arthur did the same despite still feeling cold. He felt Eames' hands touching his arms, he could feel the heat of them through his sweatshirt and he dropped his coat beside him as Eames kissed him again. They kissed like they did when they were twelve only now, they knew what to do. Their mouths fit against each other like his mouth was the only mouth Arthur should ever know. Their tongues met again as Eames let go of his arms and slid his hands around his waist, pulling him closer as he took a step forward and Arthur's arms came up around to hold Eames around his neck. He nearly broke apart as he felt his warm hands sliding under his sweatshirt, touching his bare back, fingers strong and thick against his skin, hot and he felt like his flesh was searing. When he made a noise, unable to control it, Eames moved back slightly and looked at him, checking if he was okay. Arthur nodded and they kissed again, wordlessly.

They fell into Eames' unmade bed, now cold from his absence but quickly getting warm again. It was a different bed then the smaller, narrower twin bed Eames had when he was younger. This was a king sized bed, wide so their limbs could spread easily across. They both lay comfortably, getting under the sheets and covers, kissing the entire time, Eames helping him out of his sweatshirt and letting it fall to the floor with their abandoned shoes. It was strange how easily he could fall back into kissing him, into making out with him in his bed as if he never stopped. It all felt familiar and perfect and they made out for hours.

They kissed, hardly stopping for air, touching in safe places, getting use to each other again until they dared to venture further, Eames' fingers testing the water so to speak by first touching his stomach, then dipping the tips of his fingers under the band of his pajama pants before eventually touching him over the flannel material, greeted with an erection. Arthur moaned a little, which encouraged him to continue, sliding his hand inside and meeting skin to skin. His entire body burned, everything was so hot now, sweat forming at his brow and at his neck and he could hardly breathe and he loved every second of it. When Eames moved back for air, Arthur heard himself whimper Eames' name. It would have been embarrassing if he had not responded by returning to him, pressing his lips to his again.

When he dared to touch Eames in return, he got soft moans in response and he had forgotten until then how he sounded when aroused, which in turn made his blood burn, He kissed the side of his face, his hand down the front of his sweats, his free hand holding the back of his neck as he stroked, thumb moving over the head, pushing back his foreskin to allow precum to wet his fingers. Familiar creases, veins, all against his digits, though much larger and thicker then when they were boys. When he came, Arthur held onto him, feeling him tremble and moan quietly against his throat and he kept kissing his scruffy cheek.

It had been everything Arthur had fantasized about for years. While they didn't have sex, he got closer to Eames then he had before, both of them ending up in their underwear and t-shirts so they wouldn't ruin their clothes, coming several times through the night, after each time, they would doze off only to wake up and wordlessly resume. When the sun began to rise, Arthur woke up, nearly confused at where he was until he saw he was in Eames' room. His childhood room was still the same color, though there were posters of bands and movies he liked and framed pictures of his friends. He had a crowded desk with shelves filled with books and novels, his desktop computer with overhead lamp, keys on his desk and a chair with some shirts and jackets draped over the chair. As he tilted his head a little, he saw his night stand, a watch laying there, his cellphone some random papers and notes, change, chapstick, a half empty bottle of water and a pack of gum next to his cigarettes. There were shoes near his closet door and some luggage that he had yet to unpack. He turned and saw Eames sound asleep beside him, his arm draped over him as he breathed against his shoulder. Arthur wanted nothing more then to stay there, to wake him up and talk to him about what happened.

But he didn't.

He started to sit up, his body aching from the tension, his mouth swollen, his underwear feeling disgusting. As he pushed the blankets and sheets back, the cold air hit him and he instantly shivered. He eased Eames' arm back and when he did, he woke up. He still couldn't read his expression as he sat up, his hair a mess from last night and how he slept, crease marks on his cheek.

"Hey...what time is it?"

Arthur had no idea, he just knew it was early.

"I'm not sure. But I should go before your parents wake up...or mine."

"Ok."

He got up, finding his pants, pulling on his socks, finding his sweatshirt again and tugging it on. Eames put on his pajama pants and when Arthur was ready, he walked him downstairs. They exchanged not a single word as Eames opened the door for him and Arthur left. He walked down the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets, the cold air pricking his skin and his mind blank still. It all felt surreal and by the time he got home, he snuck back upstairs, relieved no one noticed his absence. He took a shower and changed his pajamas and crawled into bed, getting only a handful of hours before his sister woke him up for Christmas. As he trudged downstairs, he rubbed his eyes and yawned, his mother noticing as she set breakfast in front of him.

"Are you all right honey? You look exhausted."

Arthur nodded. 

"I am tired. It's okay."

She gave him a worried look as the rest of the family ate. The rest of the holiday was spent in a blur and Arthur was busy for the most part, some family coming by, gifts where exchanged, dinner was made and since Arthur really had been tired, he went to bed pretty early. When he woke up the next morning, the reality of what had happened hit him. He didn't have a mark on him, not a bite, not a single hickey, just the memory of it. The very feel of Eames' skin against his own, the heat of his body, the touch of his mouth against his that left his lips swollen and chapped. He touched his lips and as much as he wanted to swoon and sigh he knew this would only spell trouble for him and make everything all the more difficult.

After Christmas break was over, Arthur packed his bags and headed over to pick up Ariadne. He helped her drag her stuff in his car as he then said bye to her family as they made the drive to school. She talked a bit about her holidays, the gifts her parents gave her including her new iphone and she kept toying with it as he drove. She then noticed his new scarf, soft dove gray wrapped loosely around his neck.

"This is cute. Who gave it to you?"

"My sister."

"Did you open...the other gift I left?"

"I did."

"What was it? It was really light."

"It was a gift card and a Christmas card."

"Oh, what did it say?"

He sighed deeply, images of that night flashing through his mind, his skin tingling at the very thought of it.

"I...went to his house...he answered the door and...I told him how I felt."

When he paused, he could feel the tension coming from Ariadne and she turned to face him, getting up on one knee, tugging at her seat belt before clinging to it, waiting for him to continue. Her eyes were wide, his mouth slightly parted as her dark brown hair framed her face. She resisted from saying "and?"

"I told him and I told him I couldn't be his friend because of it, because I didn't want him to be uncomfortable."

"What did he say?"

He heard the hesitant hope in her voice.

"He...kissed me..."

She screamed, scaring the hell out of him, causing him to swerve on the road, quickly regaining himself, glad there were no other cars since traffic was so light, his heart beating furiously hard in his chest.

"Jesus fuck Ari!! What the hell!?"

"I'm sorry! I'm just...so happy for you!"

He sighed, slumping slightly as he held the wheel.

"Don't be. It made everything much worse."

"Didn't you guys talk about this?"

"No...everything was made much more...worse..."

He sighed deeply, feeling overwhelmed and he didn't want to talk about this now while driving. Ariadne saw him as she touched his arm.

"It's okay. We can talk about it later."

He was grateful he didn't have to talk about it now.

Some hours later, after Ariadne settled in her dorm, Arthur unpacked and settled in his since Dom wouldn't come back until tomorrow, he called her to come over. When she showed up some twenty minutes later holding two cups of coffee, he let her in and took his cup. She took off her yarn knit hat by the fuzzy red pom pom and then ran her fingers through her hair as she unzipped her coat and then sat down on his bed. She sipped her coffee as he sat beside her and he sighed, starting from the beginning. By not opening his gift for hours and when he finally did, it was the middle of the night and his card asked to talk about whatever he had done to make Arthur hate him. It had spurred Arthur into thoughtless action and after getting his cell phone number from Dom, he rushed to his house and texted him, telling him he was there. He told her how Eames came out and after his confession, Eames had kissed him. He was about to leave when Eames stopped him and lead him back into his house.

"We made out for hours. I don't know why he didn't push for sex...I would have let him."

"So...you more then kissed? Arthur!"

"It was so unreal...we just made out for hours...all night. We touched each other...and I thought...oh my god...it's like when we were twelve."

"You guys went that far when you were twelve?! You never told me that!"

"Sorry."

"So what happened when it was over?"

"We slept and I woke up when the sun was rising and I went home."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Why didn't you talk to him?"

"I didn't want to ruin it...when he kissed me the first time I asked him why and he said he didn't know. After that I didn't want to ruin it. I made it worse."

She frowned at him, feeling bad for him, seeing what a mess he had gotten himself into.

"Maybe...maybe when he gets back, he'll talk to you. Maybe he needs the time to think too."

"I don't want to find out if maybe he'll talk to me about this...I don't know why he kissed me...I don't know why he did anything he did...I feel so fucked about this."

She set her coffee down by her foot as she scooted over to him and hugged him. He leaned into her embrace, hanging his head and feeling relieved that he finally wasn't crying.

He ran every day after classes started back up. He talked to Dom and Mal when they returned, saw Robert now and then, always hung out with Ariadne, but for the most part, he was terrified that Eames wasn't looking for him, so he didn't bother to ask about him. He wished the whole thing would go away, he wished he hadn't let himself fall into his desires, that his longings hadn't gotten the best of him. He chastised himself throughout his whole run, his mind unable to clear away the images of that night. He kept remembering the feel of his beard scruff against his cheek, the smell of his sheets and that scent...that scent of Eames that lingered in his mind. When he showered every morning, he sometimes stood in front of the mirror and touched his neck, wishing that Eames had left his mark him. He could still taste his skin on his tongue and he could hear his moan against his ear when he came. Arthur had to stop running a few times to catch his breath, finding how winded he got and again, cursed himself for letting this distract him during his run. He checked his phone when he was done and saw a text from Dom, telling him that Eames was at their room. Arthur wiped at his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, a different one then the one he wore with Eames.

In fact, that one, was folded up in a bag tucked away in a drawer to keep the scent of Eames on it.

He texted Dom back, asking him if they were staying in there. As he wiped off his face, Dom texted him back, telling him they heading out for food. Arthur was grateful.

He knew things where going to be difficult after what happened over Christmas break and he was grateful that his friends weren't pushing for them to make amends because everything had gone to hell. He longed to find out what was happening with Eames, to talk to him, to find out how he felt but he was afraid as well. He didn't want to hear that what had happened over break was a mistake, that he was right and they were better off not even being friends even though he knew it would happen eventually. What was making Arthur feel worse was that Eames was also not searching for him either. As he rested in his room one night, Robert and Ariadne hanging out with him, they watched TV as he kept thinking about Eames. He was only half listening to Ariadne and Robert's conversation, mainly focusing on the flashing images on the screen when he heard Robert saying something about Eames.

"-seen him lately."

Arthur sat up a little, looking at Robert as he said,

"What was that?"

Robert looked over at him as he pushed his hair back.

"Oh, I said when I saw Eames the other day in class and he looked upset."

Ariadne asked the question that was burning on Arthur's tongue.

"How do you mean, he looked sad? Did he say anything?"

"No, I just saw him and he looked sad. Like he had a lot on his mind. I think the only person who really talks to him is Dom...probably Mal. I haven't seen him studying with us lately either, now that I think about it."

Ariadne shot Arthur a look before glancing back at Robert. She then looked like she had an idea as she asked,

"I heard he was dating someone. Maybe he got into a fight with them?"

"It would make sense. He's blowing off his groupies left and right."

A tiny bit of hope fluttered in his chest as he heard that but he didn't want it to linger. After a while, Robert said he had to go and after saying bye, Ariadne jumped on the bed with Arthur, shaking him.

"He cares about you! Look you two are dancing around each other all this time and maybe one of you is just afraid to make a move!"

"You read too much into everything."

"Arthur!"

She punched him in the arm with surprising strength as he cried out in pain. He sat up again as he clenched his arm in pain.

"You need to man up! Quit being such a pussy and just talk to him!"

Arthur stared at her in shock.

"You..you don't even understand."

"Yes I do! You love him, he obviously cares about you too if you told him this and then made out with you!"

"You don't need to have feelings for someone to make out with them."

"He could have pushed for sex. You yourself said he didn't though the moment was there. He probably needed to sort his own thoughts and didn't want to take advantage of yours."

Arthur didn't want to believe it. He couldn't let himself believe it. If he started to...there would be heartbreak at the end of that path and he had already been through that. He laid back down, still clutching his arm as he looked at Ariadne.

"I can't Ari...I can't face him yet...not yet."

"Don't be stupid Arthur...don't be stupid and let more time pass. You already made that mistake once before."

And despite Ariadne's warning, that's exactly what he did.


	11. Chapter 11

His second year of college ended and Arthur returned home. He and Ariadne spent most of their summer together, checking apartments in the town their college was in, deciding it was time to move out on their own. They had to find something they could afford and had two bedrooms and wasn't a complete and total hole in the wall. It was easy to narrow something down by first going through the internet and then going to see each place in person. When they finally found something they both liked, they rented it. 

Arthur's parents had made a deal with him, that he could continue going to school but not let his grades suffer and they would continue to financially assist him until he finished. All support would be pulled if he started to fail. Ariadne's parents would only help with minor things and she had to get a job and still go to school but she didn't care, she was thrilled with the idea of moving out on their own. 

They hung out with Dom and Mal when they were in town and they got an apartment not too far from Arthur and Ariadne's place. It was actually within walking distance which was great for all of them. They had moved in before school started and though Arthur would miss living with Dom, he was thrilled to live with his best friend too. They spent days moving in, decorating, setting up furniture, frames and then cleaning up their own rooms. Arthur had felt sadness when he packed up his room in his parents house, still looking longingly at his closet as all new memories rushed to mind. Now as he unpacked frame photos of he and Ariadne, of his parents he saw the plain white small box with the unspent gift card inside, the letter still underneath and he set it on his desk. He tried not to look it at too much but still as he unpacked, it constantly caught his eye.

He had not spoken to Eames since that night. He saw him a few times and they both had the same reactions, exchanging a shy greeting before moving on. He was grateful none of their friends had forced them into speaking to each other. He had heard Dom talked to Eames about it once and Eames had gotten embarrassed that he had known about the entire situation, that he wouldn't talk to him for a few days. After that, he never tried again. Mal didn't either though she asked Arthur to talk to him once. All he had done was softly say her name, almost like a warning and she dropped it as well. Ariadne didn't even try. She knew Arthur too well. 

When school started back up, Arthur took a few less classes and took up winter and spring track again. He needed to stay focused on that. He went out on a few more dates, all of them single standing because after the one date, Arthur never bothered with them again. It was always the same thing, dinner, movie, talk of school, classes, lectures and majors. All of it being tied up with talking in a car, either Arthur's or his date's with failed attempts on his date's part to try and kiss him. He actually got into a fist fight once when the guy wouldn't take no for answer, which only ended with Arthur punching him in the nose and storming out of the guy's car and he walked home. After that he didn't try to date for a while. He ran track, kept up his social life and kept up his grades. He felt good in that realm of his life, but he was lonely. Ariadne meanwhile couldn't stop dating. She saw a new guy almost every other week, her dating policy being a bit more lenient then Arthur's and she often gave a guy two or three chances. Sometimes, she invited Arthur, Dom and Mal with her to a party or club, sometimes, she had to call Arthur to bail her from a bad date but she was having a blast and as happy as Arthur was for her, it made him feel lonely too. He often thought about calling Robert, who was the closest thing he had to what he felt for Eames but he didn't think it to be fair to string him along. It almost turned into a disaster when one night after a party, Arthur was drunk and horny, he made out with Robert for hours at his place, trying to feel something other then impatience and greed. When nothing came of it though and they both passed out, in the morning, Arthur saw what he had done and felt awful for letting Robert believe something could come of this. They both woke up, Robert feeling elated, Arthur horrified as they spoke. He had to explain it was a mistake and that he was sorry and he didn't want to lead him on but Robert was angry for being dismissed again. They didn't speak for a few days afterwards but after Robert cooled down, he forgave Arthur.

One night, as Ariadne and Arthur stayed home to study, Arthur sighed deeply, taking off his glasses for a minute. He was tired and he couldn't even focus anymore.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm tired. I think we studied too much."

"Do you want to take a break? Get some coffee?"

"Yeah. Let's do that."

They got up and not bothering to change their clothes from their sweats and hoodies and they got their sneakers on. They grabbed their coats as they head out for coffee, Ariadne pulling on her hat as she untucked her hair from under her hoodie. They walked a bit and got to their usual Starbucks only to see Mal talking with Eames outside of it. They both smoked, Eames wearing a gray knit cap with a jean coat, a black shirt and jeans with his usual sneakers. Arthur swallowed hard as they went ahead and stopped for a moment to say hello. Mal greeted them both, kissing their cheeks as Ariadne then said hi to Eames. Arthur did the same and then headed inside, figuring Ariadne would follow when he heard,

"Ari, sweetie could I keep you for a moment?"

It was Mal who asked and Arthur turned and looked at her as Ariadne looked back at Arthur.

"I'll be right in."

He nodded and let go of the door as he got in line to order some coffee. He still had his glasses on so he took them off to clean them and put them back on as he looked up at the menu, trying to see if he should get something else for a change, trying not to look out the window, wondering what they were talking about. It's only a few minutes later when Arthur gets to the register and orders his usual pumpkin spice latte since it was back in season and Ariadne comes back inside. She took off her cap as she joined him and she ordered her own drink. Arthur looked at her, waiting for her to say something. She glanced back up at him.

"It was nothing. Mal didn't think you be comfortable talking with Eames there."

Arthur nodded, understanding that all too well.

It was another few weeks into the semester and Arthur drowning in his studying and loneliness that he couldn't take it anymore. Ariadne had gone over to Dom and Mal's and after practice, he went home, changed and went over to their place. He was relieved to see the three of them and Robert, all of them talking and watching a movie they've seen a thousand times. Once Arthur came over, Mal kissed his cheek and let him in, saying they were about to order pizza and Arthur felt glad he had come. When Arthur went to the kitchen to grab a beer, Ariadne followed him in.

"Hey, grab me one too?"

"Sure."

He reached in, grabbing her a beer as she then took it with a thanks. 

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

"You've been weird lately. Kind of isolating yourself."

"I couldn't help it."

"It's because of Eames right?"

Arthur sighed, uncapping his bottle and taking a long drink. He then sighed and looked down, closing the fridge door.

"I don't want anyone to stop being his friend because of me."

He was waiting for the usual "you should talk to him" speech. It never came. She just walked over to him and asked to uncap her beer as well. They stood in the kitchen for a little while, just by themselves, drinking quietly as Ariadne leaned her head on his shoulder. 

"I know you Arthur. You'll do this forever and that's your choice, I don't want to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. But..if you don't do something...you're going to loose him."

The idea had always been present in his mind. He always knew he had to, one day, watch Eames walk away with someone else, he had been preparing for it since middle school. But hearing it from someone else made that constant ache in his chest, thump, reminding him she was right.

"That night at Starbucks...when I went to talk to Mal and Eames...he asked how you were. He always asks how you are."

Arthur turned and looked at her, wanting so badly to believe her.

"Stop..."

"I don't want you to make a mistake."

She then lifted her head up and pet his shoulder as she left. He stood by himself for a few minutes longer until Robert joined him.

"Hey...you all right?"

Arthur nodded, sipping his beer as he joined everyone back in the living room. The entire night, Arthur almost expected Eames to come in and join them but it never happened and he wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved. Later on, he and Ariadne walked home and they said good night and went to their own rooms. It was late and Arthur should have been tired but he wasn't. He decided to stay up and study since he had a test tomorrow morning so he broke out his books and sat on his bed, wearing his pajamas and his track hoodie. He only got a few pages through his ancient architect book when his phone went off. He didn't know who it could be considering that Ariadne, the only person who would text him so late, was right in the next room. He set his book down as he picked up his phone and checked it seeing it was Eames.

'I'm at your door.'

Arthur threw his book off his lap and got up, running to the front door of the apartment and after unlocking it, he yanked it open seeing Eames standing there. He was shocked, his mouth hanging open, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

"Eames...what are you doing here?"

"I had to see you."

Arthur looked down and then stepped out in the hallway to join him.

"I...um...how are you?"

He looked back up after closing the door behind him after making sure the door was unlocked.

"You're wearing your glasses."

Arthur had forgotten about them.

"Oh...yeah I was studying."

He was fidgeting, unsure of what to do or what to say. He looked at Eames, seeing him still wearing his knit gray cap and jean coat but he wore a sweater this time, different colored jeans, different sneakers.

"It's been a while."

Arthur nodded, pulling at the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He swallowed hard and as badly as he wanted to talk, wanted to say something, all he could do was look up at Eames, drowning in the blue gray of his eyes and heard himself asking,

"Do you want to come in?"

Eames hesitated, taking his hands out of his pockets.

"Would that be wise?"

"Probably not."

He opened the door and stepped in, looking at him and reached for his wrist and after grasping it, he gave a gentle pull and Eames followed inside, closing the door behind him.


	12. Chapter 12

He knew they should talk. He knew that this was important, that they needed to clear what was between them. Arthur knew he should face facts, get the straight forward truth from him and move on.

He knew he should. He knew it.

Instead, once in the privacy of Arthur's room, Eames shed his coat and hat and stood silently for a little while. Arthur took his things and hung his coat on the back of his chair, dropping the hat on the seat. Then he sat down and clasped his hands. He wanted so much from him, wanted to know what he was thinking, how he felt, what he thinks they should do. Instead he sat there silently. Eames finally sighed deeply and began to speak.

"This is a mess."

Arthur looked at him, glasses still on, hands hidden by his sleeves.

"It is. It's also not fair."

"What's not fair?"

"You know how I feel and I don't know how you feel."

"Wouldn't know it from my end."

"You didn't try either!"

"I'm here aren't I?"

Arthur fell silent. He was right, Eames had taken all the steps forward, tentative as they were, but still, taken. Arthur had done nothing.

"I have to know...do you have feelings for me? At all?"

"I do. You've been my mate since we were little."

"Not friend feelings. You can't tell me what happened over winter break was just practice."

"It wasn't."

"So?"

Eames was silent. He had an unreadable face and Arthur was starting to hate that.

"This is a mess."

Arthur sighed. They were getting nowhere. He looked at Eames seeing he had moved a bit and was now leaning against his closet door, looking at the wall beside him. It felt like years drifted between them when he heard Eames' voice again.

"I heard you were dating Robert again...earlier in the semester. But it turned out to be misinformation. Though I wouldn't have been surprised."

"Why?"

"You said you wanted to date him again after you got yourself straightened out."

"That was before...before any of spark of hope happened."

"I'm very messed up...completely and totally fucked. I've been trying to figure out who I am since we were kids. I haven't gotten there yet."

Arthur got up from his bed and walked over to him.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that...I don't know what I'm doing."

A horrible thought loomed in Arthur's mind then and he felt that ache in his chest form and constrict as he looked at Eames.

"Does that mean...you made a mistake over winter break?"

Their eyes met and for a moment, Arthur thought he would say yes. The rational side of him, told him it was best if he did. That way, he could kick him out and be done with it. But his heart didn't want to hear that.

"No. I just knew it was a bad idea. Like this...this is bad."

"Why is it bad?"

"Because...I just want to kiss you. That's all I've wanted since winter break. But I know you have feelings for me and I'm mucking things up by not knowing what I'm doing."

"I want to kiss you too."

He knows he shouldn't have said that because Eames was right, this was bad. But he couldn't stop himself, couldn't control himself and the longing and wanting and the desperate loneliness he felt was enough to make him throw caution to the wind. He took another step closer, leaning his head against Eames' shoulder, feeling how much broader he was, thicker. While Arthur maintained his lean and fit stature from running, it was almost like Eames had been lifting weights. And that smell...god that smell that always made him feel weak in the knees. He closed his eyes for just a moment, letting the scent of him wash over his mind, unlocking memories and desires. When he was sure he wouldn't push him away, Arthur brought his hands up to his shoulders, looking at him. 

The time for talking had passed and though he got nothing accomplished, he knew he had to kiss him. He knew he had to kiss him as the pain in his chest swelled and he felt he would fall apart if he didn't. 

"Eames...please..."

That was all he needed. Eames leaned forward without getting too far from the wall, pressing his lips to Arthur's. With the space provided, Arthur moved his arms, wrapping them around his neck, pressing himself closer. It was like that night at Eames' parent's house, familiar, inviting and it still felt right. At that moment, Arthur didn't care how this further complicated the situation, how he still had no idea what Eames felt for him, how he knew this was all a bad idea. He just knew he wanted Eames.

They shed their clothes silently, getting into Arthur's bed, feeling the warmth of Eames' body against his own as they both remained in their underwear. It was the last barrier between them and as intimate as they had ever gotten. Over winter break, they both kept their shirts on and it had been a while before Eames got out of his pants. But now, here they were with nothing but their underwear, Eames' hands all over his body, silently directing him to move, raise an arm or a leg, lift his hips all which Arthur did, happily. Their mouths hardly left each other and every time someone broke the kiss, Arthur occupied himself with kissing whatever skin he could reach. He mouthed at black ink, lettering over his shoulder, Greek tragedy and comedy masks, all of it wordlessly, feeling Eames kiss at his neck, his chest. It was never long enough to leave a mark and the only word Arthur said was please. There was much more then a plea, it was a plea to mark him, to leave something behind and he feared he wouldn't but right over his left nipple, Eames latched onto his skin, sucking forcefully, biting him at times on purpose and left behind a large purple mark. It could have been mistaken for a punch and it was tender when Arthur touched it later but it was there.

They kissed and touched for over an hour. Each time Eames touched his hardened erection he responded, moaning as he rubbed him through his underwear, finally sliding his hand underneath and jerking him off with practiced strokes. Arthur would always return the favor so their orgasms were even. While they recovered, they kissed and then start all over again. It was finally Eames who broke their silence that had only been punctuated by moans before. He looked at Arthur deeply, kissing his swollen lips as he asked,

"Could we take this further?"

His voice heavy and still laced with lust as he whispered to Arthur so the words would stay between them. Arthur nodded, wanting to very much, the ache between his legs practically demanding it at this point.

"Do you have-"

"Oh...fuck...I don't."

He brought his clean hand up to his forehead, smacking it with annoyance. Of course he wouldn't have any condoms, any lubricant. Why would he? He was completely sexually inactive. Eames looked disappointed.

"Fuck...I don't either." He paused, leaning down, kissing Arthur again. "Maybe it's a sign..."

Arthur scoffed.

"Yeah it's a sign alright, it says a virgin lives here."

Eames laughed. He actually laughed and his smile made Arthur smile. He looked at him as he brought his hand up to Eames' shoulder.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"I just...I'm unprepared..."

"I didn't come over here for sex you know. I did want to talk to you until I realized I had no idea what I was doing."

Arthur smiled and it felt good to smile again, especially if Eames was the cause. He pulled him back down for another kiss because at least if they couldn't have sex, they would find other ways to get each other off.

They spent the rest of the night together and by dawn, Eames was sneaking out, Arthur looking over his shoulder, making sure Ariadne didn't hear them and wake up. As Eames got to the door, he stopped and looked at Arthur, his hand on the door as he whispered,

"Arthur..."

Arthur leaned over to him, kissing him again because he felt he could as he held onto Eames' coat, pulling him close. When he pulled back, he licked his own bottom lip, looking into his eyes.

"We can do this...this...whatever this is...until you figure out what you're doing."

"That's not fair to you."

It wasn't. Arthur was trading his feeling in for physical pleasure. He knew that this could end badly, Eames could figure out that he didn't want him, didn't feel anything for him and leave him to the side. He knew that sleeping with Eames wasn't going to make him love him back. He looked down, suddenly ashamed he said it as his fingers tightened in his coat. He felt Eames' hands cover his. He leaned over, kissing him, his free hand pulling him close as he then said,

"I will talk to you...I don't want this to happen to us again."

Arthur nodded, biting his lip a little.

"Ok...tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

They kiss once more and Eames leaves, Arthur closing the door behind him, locking it and returning to his bed that smelled of Eames. 

He woke up later on that morning feeling exhausted, he still had class to go to and he dreaded the entire day. It had felt like a dream and he would have kept thinking it was until he padded into the bathroom and took off his shirt and saw the marks Eames had left on his body. His largest was on his chest but there were smaller ones at the base of his neck, a red crown of teeth marks on his collarbones, smaller purple blotches down his sides, over his hips and around his belly button. He looked down at his body, touching every bite mark, every hickey as he looked up in the mirror and blushed. After showering, dressing and making sure everything was hidden, which luckily it was, he grabbed his bag and met with Ariadne to leave and grab some coffee. 

He ordered the largest coffee he could get and a butter croissant, alternately sipping and eating as Ariadne looked at him.

"Hungry?"

"Exhausted more like it. I didn't sleep well."

She nodded, knowing what how he felt. He went through class in a fog, feeling exhausted, not really writing down any notes. He finally ended up ditching his last class and caught a nap before getting up and going to track practice. By the time he got home, he was feeling better, more awake and he was starved. He showered and when he was getting dressed, Ariadne came home.

"Hey, I bumped into Mal on my way home, she's making dinner while we study, interested?"

"God yes, I was just thinking about food."

"Great, I'm going to change."

Arthur finished getting ready and by the time he was good to go, Ariadne was snapping on a necklace and smoothing her hair down as she put on her coat. Arthur grabbed his coat as he followed his friend out the door. 

They had pasta with meat balls and rolls that Mal had prepared. Everyone ate happily, complimenting her on her cooking skills as she waved it off, a faint blush on her cheeks. Half way through the meal, Dom's phone rang and he excused himself from the table to answer as Ariadne stuffed a piece of bread in her mouth, reaching over to Arthur's plate to take one of his meat balls.

"Hey!"

She laughed as Dom came back to the table, covering his phone by placing it against his chest. He whispered something to Mal as she frowned and bit her lip a little as she looked across the table at Arthur. He saw her as he wiped his mouth.

"What?"

Dom hesitated as he toyed with his napkin.

"Um...it's Eames."

"Come on Dom, I told you, no one should have to feel awkward around him because of me. Besides, it's your apartment."

They exchanged looks as Mal then asked,

"Are you sure?"

Arthur nodded as he continued to eat and Dom put the phone back to his ear and invited him over.

If things were awkward before, they were even more then so when Eames came by and they faced each other. Mal fixed him a plate and everyone sat down, talking, breaking out books and studying. Now and then Arthur would look up and see Eames, the two exchanging looks before returning to their previous activities trying not to make the eye contact linger too long. Aside from feeling just a bit of tension, everyone worried at first, then relaxing, the night went smoothly. When Mal and Eames slipped out for a cigarette, Ariadne and Arthur offered to help bring the dishes to the sink as Dom and Robert kept studying. Arthur was worried his best friend would know, but she didn't say a word. She just smiled at him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"You're okay, right? Because you look okay."

"I am okay Ari, really."

He smiled back as she nodded and they returned to the table. Once they finished and everyone had returned, they continued studying and talking. It was nice to do it in an apartment and not the student center for once and Arthur was glad he had this again, angry with himself he had let all this slip by during his period of avoiding Eames. Later on, Dom made coffee for everyone and then the conversation turned to holiday talk. They didn't have to go home anymore, they had their own homes but Mal still wanted to see her parents. Dom was probably going with her. Robert always went home, his father practically demanded it, being his only child and his major adoration. He rolled his eyes as he talked about it though everyone knew he secretly loved it. Ariadne was still flip flopping about it, not sure if she should, not really wanting to miss out just because she was "grown up" now but still. Arthur's parents had let it be known they did want him home, his sister was bringing her fiancee and they would like the whole family there so he was more then likely going. Mal then looked at Eames as she asked,

"And you darling, are you going home?"

Eames nodded, taking a sip of his coffee as he set his mug back down close to his books.

"I have to. My mum would have my head. She said just because I'm on my own doesn't mean it's an excuse to avoid my family."

Everyone laughed and Arthur smiled, practically hearing his mom saying that to him. The rest of the night was just as nice, just as peaceful and by the time they were ready to go, Arthur felt a bit tired but happy. As everyone got their coats on, Mal said,

"So, we should all get together before the holidays! Just us."

"Oh, that sounds like a great idea!" Exclaimed Ariadne.

Everyone agreed as Mal said she would let everyone know the details soon and she looked forward to it. Everyone parted ways and said good night and Arthur and Ariadne went back to their shared apartment. They talked for a bit before Ariadne decided to go to bed saying she was full and now tired. Arthur did too and after saying good night, he closed the door of his room and started to change. His phone suddenly buzzed and he looked at it, seeing it was Eames.

'Is it too late?'

It was such a loaded question. He still smiled and replied.

'Never. Come over. I'm still awake.'

So he sat and waited after changing his clothes.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur found himself in a simple yet complicated situation, but still happier then he had been in years. He was sure that Eames felt something for him, at least something, be it at least physical, but still he wasn't disgusted by him in the least. They decided not tell their friends about it, they would ask too many questions and make an already difficult situation all the worse. 

Arthur was fine with that. 

After classes when Arthur ran track, sometimes, he would see Eames on the bleachers, just watching him. He wasn't sure when he even knew about him running track, when he showed up or how long he'd been and it wasn't an every day thing. But on the days that Arthur saw him, he always met up with him afterwards. He felt self conscience of himself sometimes, sweaty and filthy when he sometimes took a spill but Eames never cared, he was there to see him. If Ariadne was in class, he sometimes brought Eames home with him and he would shower, put on clean underwear and make out with him senselessly for a few hours. They some what talked about the issue of sex since both were willing and Eames didn't think it fair if he wasn't sure of himself and Arthur knew he was right so it was an unspoken agreement that until Eames sorted his head, they wouldn't move further.

Ariadne naturally noticed the change in him. He seemed happier and therefore looked it, acted it. As they both packed to go home for the holidays, she called him out on it.

"You seem happier."

Arthur scoffed a bit, setting down his mug of coffee on his night stand as he returned to packing. Ariadne was sort of helping, mostly just sitting by his small suitcase and watching.

"I'm fine. I'm no better, no worse."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Again, Arthur scoffed.

"Yeah, me. I'm seeing someone."

"You just seem different. I don't know when it happened but...yeah somethings changed."

"Nothing has changed."

She didn't seem to believe but didn't argue the subject further.

After they packed their stuff, they got in Arthur's car and went home, Ariadne making a bid to stop by later on after Thanksgiving to get some pie. He laughed and said of course. After dropping Ariadne off, Arthur went home, surprised to see his sister and her fiancee already there. They got to know the guy, who was nice and sweet to Arthur's sister. As the household buzzed around, trying to get ready for the next day, he fiddled with his phone, texting Eames now that he had a chance.

'How's your family?'

It was a moment before he got a response.

'Loud and overbearing. Yours?'

'Busy. I wish I could see you.'

He bit his lip in worry, wondering if that was too much. But on the same hand, Eames knew how Arthur felt about him, so it wasn't too far of a stretch. Still, he wondered if he should have said anything until his phone shook.

'Can you sneak away? Even for a little while? I can.'

Arthur was delighted and saw his chance as his sister and mother discussed something, his sister's fiancee and his dad on the couch watching TV. He stood up from the dining room table as he said,

"Mom, I'm going for a walk. I'm meeting Ariadne for a second."

His mom paused as she looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"It's not like that. She's got dating issues."

"Ah okay. Not too long though."

"I won't be."

He grabbed his coat as he headed out the door and immediately texted Eames.

'I'm heading towards your place.'

Eames met him outside a few moments later and Arthur smiled, getting such deja vou but this time, it was better. Eames smiled as said,

"We should walk on. My relatives are all over."

"I should have grabbed my car."

"We can walk for a bit."

Arthur had no problem with that, despite the cold. 

As they walked further from their homes, Eames put his arm around him, the walk being so similar to the path they use to take when they walked to school together. When Eames put his arm around him, he immediately leaned into it and realized a fantasy of his had just come true. He couldn't remember how many times he dreamt about going to school like this, of feeling so close to him and he smiled, despite himself. They walked in a different direction then their old school this time, heading toward a park they use to frequent as kids only now in the November chill, at nearly seven at night and already pitch black, there wasn't a single soul to be had. They sat on a bench together, Eames' arm never moving so Arthur leaned his head closer.

"This is nice."

"Mmhmm."

It was quiet again until Eames said,

"I've been thinking a lot about you."

"Oh?"

He sat up now, Eames' moving his arm away. 

"In a good way."

"Oh."

Arthur felt relief from pain he didn't even know he had.

"I...struggled. For a long time...with who I am. Did you always feel this way about me?"

Arthur nodded, past his shame, his embarrassment.

"Yes. Since we were little. I always thought it unfair that you got to reap the benefits of our practice and I just developed a life long crush."

"When we were in middle school...this guy I use to hang out with...he made some comment about how we hung out together all the time. Called you my boyfriend and made a bunch of gay jokes. I was a stupid kid...I let it get to me. It's why I started dating Sarah. Why I pulled away from you. Now that I look back on it, I realized how stupid it was."

He paused, looking away, past the empty playground.

"I kissed Sarah a bunch of times then broke up with her. I did the same thing with the next one and the one after that. But I never went any further. I didn't want to do the stuff I did with you, with them even though I had the chance. By the time we got to high school, I figured you hated me. We hadn't spoken a word to each other in years, we ran with different groups...I thought Ariadne was your girlfriend for a long time. Everyone did."

Arthur laughed and shook his head. No wonder he was able to keep under the radar. 

"I use to watch you run track after school. I would sneak around the back of the building and smoke some cigarettes with some mates of mine and watch you. Then I thought about how much I missed you and I needed a reason to get close to you so I made friends with some girls from the track team...as an excuse to drop by."

"That's why...that's why you were there. I thought you were dating one of them."

Eames shook his head.

"I kept up that aloof, mysterious shit so no one would ask questions. Now and then I'd date someone to keep up appearances but it was never anything serious. Then I said hi to you that day...you looked mad."

"I was dying inside. I thought oh god, he remembers me! I really wanted to say something to you. But I was afraid."

"So was I. I remember over the summer, my mum sent me to your mum's to drop off something and your mum said I could go see you upstairs...and I wanted to...I really wanted to but I didn't think you would want to see me so I lied and said I had to leave."

"I remember that. I heard through my door."

Eames finally looked back at him.

"It was my mum who told me where you were going to school. She told me in passing and I said, oh funny, I'm applying there too, even though I had no intention up until then of going there. I thought what a stupid plan, I'm never going to find you on campus, as big as it is...but luck came about my way with Dom. I thought he was just some bloke in my class but when we got to be friends and he told me about his roommate, I thought it was too good to be true. Not until the day you showed up to study."

"I was in shock. I was trying to get over you. And...there you were."

Arthur took a deep breath, the cold air stinging his lungs as he exhaled.

"All this time, I thought you had forgotten all about me. I thought I was holding onto this crush that would produce nothing. I thought I would never see you again after high school...so I figured now I can move on, have a real life. I even tried dating Robert even though it didn't work out. At the time, I thought it was because I just wasn't ready but...I know it was because I was so hung up on you."

"I was jealous when you told me you wanted Robert back."

"Good."

"Good?"

He was shocked and looked it, an eyebrow crooked as he stared at Arthur. 

"Yes. Good. Now you knew what I felt all those years I watched you date."

Eames moved his arm back around him, pulling him close.

"I'm so close to figuring out what I'm doing. I like you Arthur. I'm sure of that now. But I also like this...this just being us, without our friends knowing, without our parents knowing."

Arthur pulled back a bit. Never really having his sexuality questioned, he had pretty much considered "out". He didn't deny it if asked and when he had to admit it, he did. Robert had been the only guy he had dated in school but that had been no secret. Suddenly, he worried.

"Are you...ashamed?"

"No. It's not that. I just feel if we move this along any faster, I won't be able to keep up. Everyone knowing complicates things, even if I wasn't a total basket case. I just need more time."

He sighed with relief.

"Time I can give. As much as you need."

He rested back into his embrace, feeling his arms around him again, feeling the warmth from his body. He felt his eyes close as he caught his scent, the very one that always brought him back to his childhood, to being like this with Eames and for once, knowing that it was just for him and not practice.

They couldn't see each other for the rest of break but they texted each other. Nothing over the top, just random greetings, questions of what they were up to, comments on what was going on. It was nice. It felt like Arthur had gotten his friend back. Arthur couldn't wait to go back home after break, as nice as it was seeing his family. When he packed up his bags and got an entire pie from his mom to take home to "share" with Ariadne, he got in his car and texted Eames, telling him he was going home. Eames said he was leaving in an another hour but he couldn't wait to see him. He then left home and picked up Ariadne and they went home. He presented her the entire pie when they were on the road and she squealed and held it lovingly in her hands, cooing to it, making Arthur laugh.

"So how was your family?"

She broke away from her love struck gaze as she then huffed.

"A nightmare. No one would leave me alone about finding a 'special guy', saying I didn't have that much time left in school and my mom constantly reminding me it only gets harder after that to find someone. Ugh. It's like my whole family is stuck in the fifties. How about you?"

"I'm waiting for it. My sister got engaged and she brought the guy over and I guess that in the frenzy of that and the holidays no one was able to sink their teeth into me. I'm sure Christmas will be fun this year."

"Do your parents know you're gay?"

"They never asked. But they probably think you and I are sleeping together."

"Gross!"

"Well fuck you too."

"No I mean like, gross because you're like my brother. Dick."

Arthur laughed as Ariadne nudged him.

"Anything happen with Eames?"

He was so tempted to tell her. He had never kept anything from her before but this was so different. It felt so much more private then anything else he had told her. He hadn't even told her that Eames was coming over every other night to make out with him and then sleep for a few hours before sneaking out. Eames had been right in that sense. The overwhelming pressure of their friends knowing was suddenly on him as well.

"No, nothing."

She frowned a bit.

"I was hoping maybe he would talk to you after dinner at Mal and Dom's."

Arthur gave a shrug as he drove.

They managed to keep whatever they had between them a secret. Their friends didn't ask because they kept the same pretenses as before, Eames only coming by now and then, Arthur staying quiet when he did show up. And every other night, Eames would come by after Ariadne fell asleep. One night, as they kissed under Arthur's covers, Eames looked at him and said,

"Holidays are coming up. Are you going home?"

"I don't want to."

"Neither do I. We should stay here...spend the break together."

Arthur could feel his heart beating fast as butterflies stormed in his stomach. He couldn't believe it was Eames saying this to him, suggesting they stay together. He wanted to say yes, desperately so.

"I would but...I have no excuse...at least nothing my parents would believe."

He looked as if he was thinking, his hand brushing over his cheek, thumb stopping at the corner of his mouth.

"What about something with school? I'll say the same thing."

"You...really want to stay here with me the whole week?"

"Yes. I was thinking about it before...but I wasn't sure how you would feel about it."

He couldn't stop from smiling. 

"Yes. I'll make something up...I'll stay here."

Lying was not Arthur's specialty. He wasn't very good at it face to face but over the phone, he was believable. After thinking what could keep him buried for a while, he decided to tell his parents he had a research paper to write up. He hadn't delayed it, but it was added on last minute and he didn't want to worry about it over break.

"Mom, I have one more year of school left and you guys threatened to cut me off should my grades suffer. If I blow this off, my grades will suffer."

He could hear his mother sighing.

"Couldn't you come by on Christmas day? For at least a few hours? Maybe for dinner?"

Arthur really didn't want to. He couldn't stand the idea of being pulled out of bed from Eames to go have dinner and possibly being tortured about finding that "special one" when that special one was already in his bed. But he figured he could spare four hours. One to drive there, two at his parent's house and one driving back.

"All right. For dinner, only. I really have to finish this paper."

His mother was content with that. 

Only now he had to deal with Ariadne. 

She huffed when he told her, using the same research paper excuse only now it was easier to lie about since he told his mother first. 

"I'll be there to pick you up. I'm going to dinner at my parent's."

She frowned but then sighed.

"Ok. Fine."

After it was settled, he texted Eames, telling he was home for the week except Christmas day, he would have to go see his parent's and pick Ariadne up.

'That's fine. Five days is still pretty good.'

'How did your parents take it?'

'Not well. I owe my mum now.'

Arthur smiled a little when he saw his text. It confirmed the small quell of fear that had been rising since he told his parents he wasn't coming home. He worried that Eames would change his mind and tell him to go home. He was worried that Eames couldn't get out of going home himself. But seeing his conformation, he felt better.

The last day of school before break, Mal invited everyone over for dinner and to do a gift exchange. Everyone had been looking forward to it and it was more or less going to be a small party for them. Ariadne brought her gifts for everyone as well as a plate of cookies that she bought and Arthur came over with a case of beer. He wanted to bring something else but Ariadne insisted on the beer. Dinner was still being made when they came over and Dom let them in, talking with them, seeing Robert already there. Arthur looked around see their modest, minimal Christmas decorations, some lights around the main window in the living room, a Christmas center piece at their small table and a tiny table top tree. Dom noticed as he sighed.

"Mal wanted to go way over the top with the decorating. I had to limit it to this."

Ariadne nudged him as she looked at the tiny tree, the presents around it dwarfing it.

"You should have gotten a tree at least. This is just sad..."

Mal came out of the kitchen holding a dinner platter as she heard Ariadne.

"That's what I said Ari."

Dom sighed as he rolled his eyes. Arthur laughed as he handed him the case of beer and gave his gifts to Ariadne to stack around the tree. Eames was the last to show up, gifts in hand as well as a bottle of wine as he kissed Mal on the cheek, apologizing for his tardiness.

"My apologizes darling, I had to make a stop before popping over."

She waved it off, taking the bottle from him as she urged him to sit. At the small table, they sat down to Mal's dinner of pot roast, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Everyone served themselves onto paper plates, there being enough dishes to do for them later, as they had beer and wine and talked and laughed. Arthur sat next to Ariadne, Robert on his other side, Dom and Mal on Ariadne's other side and Eames on Robert's. They talked about dinner, giving their compliments to Mal, about going home to see their families and about school, being so close to finishing with the semester being more then half way through and only a handful more to go. No one could wait to be done and put all studying and testing behind them. Arthur kept stealing glances at Eames when it was safe, seeing him looking back, a soft smile twitching at the corners of his lips. 

After dinner, they exchanged gifts and broke out dessert and coffee, then later finishing off the alcohol until it was late into the night. Around three in the morning, they decided to call an end to the evening and go home. After exchanging good bye's they went home and Ariadne did some last minute packing before going to bed, her cab is arriving first thing. Arthur sat in his room, about to lie down and fall asleep himself before his cell phone went off. He picked it up and looked at it, seeing it was a message from Eames.

'I'll see you tomorrow dearest. I look forward to it Good night.'

Arthur smiled, feeling a little silly and more in love then he had in years before.

'I do too. Good night Eames.'


	14. Chapter 14

He did his total and absolute best in not shoving Ariadne out the door. He bit his tongue as she paced around making sure she wasn't forgetting anything, grit his teeth as she sipped her coffee and then finally called a cab and didn't even run outside with her bag and throw it and her in the cab when it finally arrived. He was quiet and patient and pretended to work on a research paper he didn't even have. He walked her outside when her cab arrived and he hugged her and smiled and promised to come pick her up on Christmas so they could drive home together. 

"And cookies! Get your mom's cookies for me!"

"I will. Have a safe trip."

She smiled as he stood on the curb, wearing his pajama pants and his hoodie that still smelled of Eames. He wore his glasses and hadn't even showered yet all in pretense of looking like he had nothing to do. The moment Ariadne's cab pulled away though and he waved bye to her, trying to look miserable he rushed back inside. He tore off his sweatshirt and pajama pants, rushing to shower and then immediately texted Eames, telling him it was safe. Arthur found himself nervous, unsure of what they were going to do for five days. The very idea of sex had come into his mind but Eames didn't say much on that subject just yet. 

Either way, he was excited.

After about twenty minutes or so (Arthur wasn't counting, no he wasn't) Eames finally showed up. He (didn't) rush to the door and tried to stop the smile that was forming on his face as he opened it and saw Eames. He wore his black heavy parka, jeans, sneakers, a soft gray sweater and a black baseball cap. He carried a bookbag over one shoulder and a grocery bag in his free hand.

"Hi."

"Hey."

He leaned close to him, kissing him softly, without waiting and Arthur felt himself melting. He grasped the opening of his parka, pulling him in as they broke apart and Eames licked his lips as he smiled.

"Well, that's all I came for!"

He pretended to start leaving as Arthur laughed and pulled him back as they went inside and Arthur closed the door.

"What's with the bag?"

Eames let go of his bookbag, letting it slide off his arm and onto the floor as he reached up to his cap and took it off. He looked over at Arthur and smiled.

"Bought some food. Thought I'd make you dinner."

"You can cook?"

"I live alone, I have to know or I starve."

"Oh..." 

He fought the urge to blush and looked away as he cleared his throat and took Eames' bookbag for him, taking it to his room. When he came back, Eames was in the kitchen, leaving the bag in there for now as he took off his parka. Arthur took it for him, leaving it on the couch as he then said,

"So...what should we do now?"

"Whatever you want."

Arthur nodded as he smiled, dimples showing up as he said okay.

They got on the couch and watched TV like they use to but this time, Eames held him, putting his arm around him and letting him lean his head on his shoulder, rest his hand on his chest. They switched positions after a while, Arthur leaning back on the couch, Eames resting his head on Arthur's lap. Eventually, they both got hungry and Eames got up to make dinner for them.

"So don't be too impressed. I'm not making a four course meal or anything. I thought I'd make pasta with sausage. I brought some bread too."

"That sounds a lot better then what I usually make."

"What's that?"

"Grilled cheese. Or mac and cheese. Usually something with cheese."

They both laugh as Eames starts cooking, Arthur watching and helping, handing him pots and cooking utensils and at the end, getting the plates out and getting the bread that was toasting in the oven. They both sat down to eat and Eames watched him, waiting for his reaction.

"Oh man...this is delicious."

"Yeah? I was kind of worried..."

Arthur smiled as he continued eating.

"You didn't have to, this is great. I just wish I could have helped."

"You did help."

He smiled as he reached to the bread, breaking off a piece.

After dinner, Arthur did the dishes, Eames keeping him company. They chatted for a little while, Arthur feeling a bit shy and somewhat nervous.

"Dinner was delicious. Thank you."

"It's no problem. I'm just glad it didn't make you sick."

Arthur laughed, nudging him a little. He finished doing the dishes and then shut the sink off and as he dried off his hands, he looked at Eames and asked,

"Today was nice. Truth is, I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure what we would do all day."

"So was I. But just hanging out...it was perfect."

"Yeah."

Arthur swallowed hard, the question burning on his tongue as his eyes cast down and he nibbled on his bottom lip nervously. As he strained to speak, he heard Eames first.

"Should we go to bed?"

He nodded as he felt a little relief come out as a nervous laugh.

"I was just about to ask you that."

Tossing aside the dish towel, they left the kitchen, shutting off the lights and heading to Arthur's bedroom. Arthur took his hand boldly, making up for not asking first as he heard Eames behind him.

"It's nice actually being able to see your apartment and not having to sneak in."

"I agree. If only it wasn't so difficult to have an excuse at hand to sneak over to yours."

As soon as they got to Arthur's room, Eames said,

"We won't have to have an excuse soon."

Arthur looked at him as they stood in his room, for once not having to close the door immediately and be quiet.

"What?"

He hadn't dared to be hopeful or to push. He wanted to give Eames time to get his thoughts together and urging him would only serve to push him away. He told himself that constantly though he was dying to know every day. Eames stepped closer to him, settling his hands on his hips, kissing him softly at first, just brushing his lips over Arthur's.

"You've been...so understanding in waiting for me. Thinking about these past couple of months...just all the time you've given me, telling me how you felt about me...I know that took a lot of courage. I appreciate everything you've done. And I realize now that...it wasn't practice for me either."

Arthur felt his breathing hitch in his throat as he swallowed hard, his throat still dry as he felt his fingers clenching into Eames' sweater. He looked at him, daring to hope, his lips parting slightly.

"Really?"

"Yes. Arthur...I regret wasting those years in between. I should have never let that happen..."

"Me either. I'm sorry-"

"Are you trying to apologize during my confession?"

Arthur laughed a little, feeling blush wash over his cheeks as he looked down, feeling Eames' hand against his cheek, brushing his thumb over his bottom lip.

"Go on."

Eames laughed a little as he made Arthur look back up at him.

"I love you, Arthur."

Arthur closed his eyes, smiling softly, tilting his head forward, resting on Eames. All the years he had spent pining for him rushed through his mind, all the times he got hysterical, crying in front of Ariadne from the pain he felt. He remembered all the nights he spent missing him, wanting him, constantly reminding himself that Eames was not for him. The moments of watching him from afar in school, watching him date girl after girl, thinking it would never happen for him, never daring to hope for him. It all came to an end at that moment.

"I love you too."

He felt Eames holding him close, his hands on his back, rubbing him through his shirt. He tilted his head back up and kissed him, holding onto him, almost afraid to open his eyes, in fear it was just a dream. But when he pulled away, Eames was still there. He couldn't help but break out into a wide, bright smile, his dimples showing up again as Eames touched his face.

"I've missed that smile."

Arthur just laughed, feeling elated.

"I want you to know something else too..."

"What?"

"I'm not saying this just to get further with you."

"Eames...I know. If you just wanted to sleep with me, you would have done so that first night."

"I just wanted you to know. I don't want you to have anymore doubts about me. About...us."

His heart thumped against his chest hearing Eames say "us". He swallowed hard again, kissing him more, over and over again as he held onto him. Anytime he felt Eames pulling away, he would say 'more' and Eames would kiss him again. 

Arthur felt shy as he took off his clothes. It almost felt like they had never done this before though it was far from the first time they undressed. As he let his shirt fall to the side, he felt Eames' hands on him, large, strong and warm, pressing against his skin, his mouth on his neck, right under his ear. Everything felt more intimate, every touch of his hand, every kiss was intense and he felt himself shivering. He put his own hands on his bare chest, fingers curling before sliding his hands up and over his shoulders, up the nape of his neck as he held onto him, sighing softly. He felt one of his hands move to the front of his jeans, unbuttoning them, pulling down the fly as he pressed his hand inside over his briefs, cupping his ass. Arthur gasped gently again as Eames kissed his ear, moving back to look at him. They said nothing but kissed again as they slithered out of the rest of their clothes and got into Arthur's bed. They stayed in their underwear, leaving the familiarity of it in place as they continued kissing and touching. 

The more heated it got, Arthur began to relax more, feeling it was nothing that hadn't done before and it felt amazing. As Eames touched his hip, his fingers toying with the band of his briefs, he looked at him as he pulled away, pressing his lips to his cheek.

"Do you? I mean...it's just..."

It was then that Arthur realized Eames was just as nervous. He leaned up and kissed him softly, trying to reassure him.

"Yes. I want to. But...I don't...I still don't have anything...god I'm an idiot. I should have gotten something by now."

Eames smiled at his frustration, leaning close to kiss him again.

"Would you be angry with me if I did?"

"No, I'd be pleased."

Seeing his smile, Eames knew he was telling the truth. He carefully got out of bed and went to his bag, opening the front pocket and dug out a box of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. As he set it down on the night stand, Arthur looked at the box and then back at him.

"An entire box huh? Feeling ambitious this week?"

He teased him and Eames got back in bed, pinching his side.

"They don't exactly sell them individually."

Arthur smiled, liking that he could tease him and ease some of the tension they felt. He reached over to grab the bottle as he looked at it, reading it as Eames kissed his shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...just curious. I've never done this before."

"Me either. But I read about it."

Arthur looked at him and he couldn't help but keep smiling, reminding him of the first time they started doing things beyond kissing, Eames had pretty much said the same thing then. They resumed kissing afterwards, Eames taking the bottle from Arthur and settling it on the bed. He rested his hand on his hip again, kissing him, lulling him back into his comfort as Arthur sighed, wanting so badly for all this to happen, despite his nerves and worry. 

It was another few minutes before he felt bold enough to reach to his briefs and tug them down. Eames stopped, moving back, helping him out, sliding them down his legs until they were off and thrown to the floor. His heart was beating fast in his chest, blood rushing to his ears as his throat went dry again. It didn't help that by sitting up, Eames was now looking at him.

"You're staring..."

"I can't help it. You're hot."

Arthur blushed though he laughed and looked away. Not wasting a moment longer, Eames also shed his underwear and laid beside him, supporting his weight on his arm over him. Arthur pulled at him, tugging him closer.

"Lay on top of me."

"Are you sure? I'm heavier then I was when I was twelve."

"I know that."

"It's just that you didn't like it then."

"It's different now."

Eames smiled a little and nodded as he moved over, feeling Arthur shift his legs so they fit around his waist and then slowly lowered his weight over him. At first contact their erections made, Arthur gasped. It certainly was a lot different then when they were twelve, but it felt good at the same time. The weight of him was reassuring, comforting and Arthur brought him down to kiss him again, holding onto the back of his neck. When he pulled back, he looked Eames in the eye, a shiver running through him.

"I'm nervous."

"So am I. We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Arthur shook his head, moving his arm a little, taking Eames' hand and bringing it lower on his body until he would holding his cock in his hand.

"I want to. I really do."

He only moved his hand back as he sat beside him and opened the tube and poured some of the lube on his fingers, laying back over him and reaching down again, briefly passing over his erection, his fingers seeking him out as he leaned down, kissing him, his teeth catching Arthur's bottom lip as he found his tight hole. He pressed his finger against him, rubbing lubricate against him. Arthur gasped a little, despite the lube having a chance to warm up but it still caught him off guard, never having anyone touch him there. It felt strange and a little scary and embarrassing as well. He shivered as he turned his head, feeling tense and anxious as Eames kissed his ear, urging him to relax.

"Breathe for me, love. Relax..."

He nodded as he took a deep breath and slowly let it out as he felt the his finger penetrate. He groaned and fought the urge to clench down as he panted slowly, his senses heightened and in the back of his panic, hearing Eames telling him to relax. He swallowed hard and did, nodding as he felt the blunt tip of his finger inside him and as he started to calm down, it eased in further and he again gave a broken little noise but quickly bit it back, not wanting him to stop again. Eames moved it a little, giving him the initial stretch and Arthur gripped his arms, feeling him shaking too, reminding him that he wasn't alone in this experience. He could see from the lamp the gleam of his sweat trickling down his neck, across his forehead and Arthur realized he was sweating too. He felt him withdrawing and slowly easing back in again and again until Arthur was use to it.

"More..."

Eames dipped down to kiss him softly, lips pressing carefully against his as he returned with a second digit. Arthur gave a startled yelp, his body shaking again, fingers pressing into Eames' sweat slicked skin.

"Sorry...sorry..."

"It's okay...keep going."

"You sure?"

Arthur nodded and Eames kept going. He was torn between begging for more, pushing down or curling away and fighting against it but he had to admit that it felt amazing. He gasped, or thought he did when he realized it was a moan.

"O-oh...god..."

He felt his toes curling, his head pushing back against the pillows and he hung onto Eames as if he was the only thing keeping him in that bed. After a few more moans, shaky and hitching in his throat, his eyes opened again and he looked at Eames. 

"I'm...I'm ready...please...come on..."

He saw a wild look in his eyes as Eames leaned down, kissing him a little more desperately now, a little filthier and Arthur loved it. He then felt him pull back as he wiped his hand off on his sheets as he grabbed the box off the night stand and tore open the side, reaching in and pulling out a chain of condoms, throwing the box on the side as he tore one loose and dropped the rest. Arthur licked his lips, watching him, his eyes traveling down the length of Eames' body seeing his hard cock jutting out, precum pearling at the head, his foreskin pushed back to expose the sensitive head. His nerves returned as he realized that it would soon inside him. It wasn't obscenely large by any means but it wasn't short, the girth more then anything caught his attention. His eyes flicked back up, watching him tear the edge of it open, his fingers shaking, nervous and clumsy before he finally got it out of the foil and he rolled it down over his impressive girth. It looks even bigger in his hands and Arthur swallowed hard again. 

He picked up the bottle of lubericant again, applying more to Arthur and to his fingers, pressing against him for a moment before rubbing some over his latex covered dick. He wiped his hands clean again, dropping the lube on the floor as he lay over him, holding himself by the base.

"Lift up a little for me...yeah, like that."

Arthur did as he was asked and he felt that blunt edge again and Arthur brought his hands up to Eames' arms again, breathing deeply as the head pushed through. It was a lot larger then his fingers and he struggled not to clench, to make him stop. It wasn't painful as nearly as it was intrusive and the stretch itself was overwhelming. He felt a sob escape his throat, Eames' arms bracketing around him as he dropped his head down to Arthur's neck, panting as he moved forward inch by inch. Suddenly, he felt his hips pressing against the back of his thighs as held on tightly to him.

"Fuck-Arthur...god..."

Arthur was impressed he could speak, by that point, he had forgotten his name. He felt so small and split open, vulnerable and completely at his mercy as his arms and hands shook. He moaned out his name as Eames pressed open mouthed kisses against his cheek, his jaw, the space below his ear.

"I'm going to move...okay?"

Arthur nodded and he felt him slowly moving back. There was pain, but it wasn't harsh and when he felt him pushing forward again, the pain shifted to need.

"Oh...oh..."

He couldn't say much else. That little bit of movement was just enough to give him that hint of pleasure. He felt himself slowly relaxing, Eames patient the entire time, moving gently, watching Arthur, asking if he was okay, if he needed him to stop. Arthur would always shake his head, telling him to keep going.

"Eames..."

He whined out his name, the clench on his arms never easing as Eames moved, panting every time, gasping for air, whispering Arthur's name, sweat dripping down his neck, sliding off his chin as it dropped down onto Arthur, mingling with his sweat as he moaned, lifting his hips a little as Eames groaned as if he was in pain. It alarmed Arthur as his eyes got wide and he asked,

"Are you okay? Did I do something-"

"No...it felt good...."

He did it again as he felt Eames' hand clamp down on his waist, his face buried against his neck as he moaned and Arthur hung on, his entire body shaking as he felt something coiling in the base of his stomach, tightening up fast as he turned his head, panting against Eames' cheek, feeling his skin scrape against his scruff.

"Eames...Eames..I-I..."

The heat spread and scorched through him as his body tensed up and he let out a guttural cry as he came, the orgasm being so much more intense then any other he had felt before. He managed to open his eyes and look up as Eames propped himself up and watched as his mouth hung open, his eyes screwed shut as he cursed to himself and came, his hips stuttering against Arthur's as he finally slowed down. Eames kisses him frantically, Arthur responding, mouth swollen and chapped against his until he stops moving. Eames stayed braced above him, keeping most of his weight off as Arthur looked at him, his hands cupping Eames' face, his fingers brushing against his stubble. He wanted him to stay there for as long as possible and he licked his dried lips as Eames looked at him, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Hi..."

"Hi..."

They smiled at each other now before Eames held himself up a little.

"I should get off you."

Arthur didn't want him to go but he does, his arms shaky now from exhaust and Arthur winced from the loss. Eames got out of bed, taking off the condom and properly disposing of it as he then gets back in bed, cradling Arthur in his arms, kissing the back of his shoulder, the nape of his neck. He didn't know what to say other then to lay there and wallow in contentment, holding Eames' arm against his chest, his other tucked under the pillow as he felt him kissing him. He was still filthy and he knew he should get up to do something about it but he couldn't bare the thought of leaving his arms. He looked at the sheets bunched and rumpled under him and figured they were already ruined, what's a little more? He grabbed the end of it and wiped himself off, Eames feeling him moving as he laughed a bit. Arthur finished up and then turned around, despite his body's soreness and protests.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just feeling a little sucker punched."

"Me too."

They kissed, sweet again. When they pulled away, Arthur smiled, feeling dopey and sleepy. Eames brushed his fingers over his cheek, still looking at him.

"I'm glad it was you."

His heart beat against his chest again and Arthur closed his eyes, leaning towards his touch.

"I'm glad it was you too."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Finally.

They spent the next four days in blessed content. It was as if their childhood friendship had resumed only now they didn't have to be confined to Arthur's room, they had an apartment. They watched T.V, drank beer, Eames smoked cigarettes, played Xbox and more importantly teased each other just like they use to. Only now, when Arthur felt like it, he could lean in and kiss Eames and not worry about what he thought since he probably thought the same things. 

On the second day, they hung out, Arthur still a bit sore but not complaining. Third day, they invested long hours making out on the couch, a movie they'd seen a hundred times before playing in the background. Eames made dinner again and after eating, played a few video games before going to Arthur's room to make out until they fell asleep. By the fourth day, they had sex again, now a bit more familiar with each other, the initial shyness over, a bit more knowledge on both their parts made this go all the better though the first time would always be the best. 

He never had to ask for Eames to leave his mark on him again either. 

After the first few hours of heavily making out, he discovered that Eames was a biter and loved to leave hickies and bruises down and across Arthur's body. It was even more evident during their trysts as more skin was presented to him and he was left with hickies on the inside and outside of his thighs. Arthur never minded. 

That fourth day was spent eating, having sex, sleeping, repeat. By the fifth day, Arthur's joke about Eames being ambitious and buying an entire box of condoms proved to be ironic as they did go through the entire box, using the last one on the fifth day. Arthur wanted to get up that morning and get ready so he could clean up a bit and then go to his parents house but Eames had made a valid point of him not having to leave until five or so and it was still morning. That kept him in bed for more sleep. When he woke up again though, one heavy kiss lead to another and pretty soon, that last condom was being used. 

Arthur lay spent in his bed, knowing he would have to change his sheets, again, as he felt Eames breathing against his neck. He felt so good, so happy, elated even and every time he glanced down at Eames, he couldn't really believe he was there, in his bed, worn out from fucking him for the past twenty four hours. Eventually he pulled himself up, his body feeling a dull, delicious ache as he reached down for his briefs, pulling them up his legs before he stood up and started to get ready. Eames had watched him as he sat up too.

"Leaving already?"

"I'm just going to pick a little before I go."

Eames nodded, getting up and getting dressed himself before helping Arthur clean up the mess they made over the past five days. Once they were done, he looked at the clock and then back at Eames. He looked at him too as he said,

"I should probably head out."

"I have to go too. Eames..."

"Yes, love?"

"Are...we still keeping this between us?"

Eames saw the concern in his face, the worry and fear this really might have been just for fun and nothing else. He stepped closer to him, kissing him softly.

"Of course not. How else are our friends going to find out we're dating?"

"We-we are?"

He smiled at his expression.

"Unless you don't want to."

"No, I do."

"Okay then."

Arthur threw his arms around him again, holding him close, breathing in that intoxicating scent of him, the same scent that always reminded him of his youth, that same scent that was now burned into his sheets in his bedroom. 

He thought about holding off changing them.

Eames held him, smiling a little.

"I don't want to hide anymore. I want you to come over to my apartment and spend the night and not need an excuse or a reason. I want to stop coming here in the middle of night like some dirty little secret you were hiding."

Arthur nodded, holding on tighter.

"No more hiding."

Before Arthur left to go to his parent's house, they kissed good bye for now, making a note to discuss the whole parent situation at a later date. Eames said I love you, Arthur saying it back before he drove home with a big stupid smile on his face. He hadn't even realized he had it until he saw his reflection in his window and he knew he had to tone it down some otherwise he would arouse suspicion. He had a nice dinner at his parents and he promised he would make it up to them over the summer. He then went to pick up Ariadne and almost immediately, she could tell something was up. She looked at him as she let her purse drop down in front of her.

"What's wrong with you? Research paper went well?"

He smiled but didn't acknowledge her question as he handed her the plate of cookies his mom set aside for her.

"I have to tell you something."

She took the plate, excited at first until she registered his statement. She looked back at him and said,

"What?"

"I need coffee first."

"Um...ok."

She gave him a weird look as Arthur then drove them to a near by, no name coffee shop. He bought them coffee which just made Ariadne more paranoid. They sat in his car as she carefully sipped it.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on? You got this weird creepy face."

She paused as she looked up at him, her eyes widened,

"Oh my god, you got laid."

Arthur kept smiling as she set her cup down and punched him in the arm.

"I was just joking, Arthur are you serious? You slut! Who did you sleep with?"

Even her tiny, surprisingly strong fist hitting his arm didn't stop his smile.

"Eames."

The look of shock on her face was worth the punch to the arm.

"What? Arthur..."

Seeing her concerned, almost sad face finally made him stop smiling as he set his own cup down in the cup holder next to hers.

"No, no, Ari...you got the wrong idea. It's not like that. Look...let me tell you the whole story..."

So he started at the beginning, since the Christmas gift, going to his house, seeing him again when he came to the apartment and they had continued an affair behind every one's back. He explained he didn't want to, but Eames was trying to sort himself out and the pressure of everyone knowing was too much. But this past week, his "research paper" was bullshit and he had really spent the week with Eames.

"We hung out...and Ari...he told me he loves me."

An ear piercing shriek rang out through the car as she threw her arms around him and she bounced up and down in her seat. Arthur laughed as she pulled back and looked at him, her eyes bright as she let him go on.

"It was like...it was everything I had never dared to hope for. He told me he loved me...he told me he was sorry for letting so much time come between us. And...and then we slept together."

He felt himself blushing a little as Ariadne shook his arm a little, so happy for him.

"Oh my god! This is almost worth being kept in the dark for! I can't believe you lied to me all this time though!"

"I didn't want to believe me...but I didn't want to pressure him. I was scared he would back away if anyone knew so I kept it to myself. But now...we kind of made it official."

Ariadne continued shaking him and Arthur couldn't stop smiling.

When they finally came home, Ariadne had calmed down a little as Arthur went to his room to take off his shoes and call Eames. As the line rang, Arthur pulled and stretched out his sheets, knowing he should change them so he did, pulling them loose as he heard Eames' English lilt in his ear.

"Hello dearest."

Arthur smiled again.

"Hi...I picked up Ariadne."

"And how did little Ariadne take the news?"

"She shattered my ear drum and punched me in the arm."

He heard his laugh.

"Imagine if you had told her bad news."

Arthur laughed too as he heard Ariadne running to his room and over to him.

"Is that Eames? Hi Eames!! It's about time!"

Eames continued to laugh. Once she left, Arthur turned his attention back to his conversation.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. She was right you know."

"About what?"

"That it was about time."

It didn't take long for Dom and Mal to find out as well. Mal was thrilled as well as excited for Arthur, not even knowing the extent of the pain he had gone through, she was still happy for him. When Eames came around to Dom and Mal's place later that night, everyone was excited to see him, especially since Arthur was there. 

They didn't act a lot like a couple, still in tentative waters, but they sat by each other and never left each other's sides, talking to each other in hushed tones as if they were in their own little world. Whenever they were alone, getting drinks in the kitchen or when Eames stepped out for a cigarette, they kissed and held each other. At the end of the night, they walked Ariadne home and Eames asked Arthur to come over. Despite blushing and suffering through her hoots and cat-calling along with her suggestive facial expressions, he did go over. He was a little nervous, mostly excited to see his apartment and when they arrived, he was pleased. It was a little messy, his coats, scarves, hats thrown on the end of a futon in the living room, boots and sneakers on the floor at the same end but that was the extent of the mess. Everything else was neat, some mail on a small round table where he took his meals, his bedroom leading towards the back. He followed him after taking off his coat and looked around, seeing his unmade bed, a small cluttered desk against the wall, his laptop under the mess. He had a shelf lined with books and a night stand still cluttered with the same things that Arthur saw in his old bedroom, except an ashtray now sat along the clutter. 

"It doesn't smell like smoke in here."

Eames laughed as he pulled off the sweater he was wearing, revealing his loose fitting t-shirt underneath.

"That's your first observation?"

"Well...it's impressive. I know that smell usually sticks to everything."

"I know, it's why I don't smoke in here. The ashtray is from a mate."

"Oh."

He smiled as he tugged him over and kissed him.

Eames groaned as he moved his hips, Arthur looking back down at him. He was on top for the first time and while he was terribly self conscious about it at first, feeling exposed and vulnerable, he quickly began to love it. He loved the feel of Eames' hands on his hips, loved hearing him moaning, saying his name every time Arthur moved, loved how the feel of his core tensing and flexing under his hands felt. The angle was different as well, somehow he felt thicker, fuller, more stretched out then before. He seem to be going inside him deeper and the very idea of it made Arthur moan louder. He looked down at him as he reached up to his hair, pushing it back, the ends curling around his ears as he said his name. Eames made eye contact with him, the grip on his hips tightening as he moved ever so slightly.

"Arthur...fuck...you're beautiful."

He had never felt so wanted, so needed and he blushed as Eames held him, encouraging him to keep going so he does. He finds the only thing he hates about this position is that he can't easily reach his mouth. He leans down to kiss him feverishly, still moving his hips, his body, arching his back in ways he wasn't even aware he could. Leaning closer added friction to his own aching dick trapped between their bodies, his movement aiding both of them as he panted and then whined softly as he felt the tight coil of his orgasm quickly loosening and spreading through him. He mewed, licking dirty, filthy kisses against his mouth before pulling away, still grinding his hips against him as Eames moans against his throat, panting, his name hitching in his throat as he held his hips firmly, angling him slightly, controlling his pace a little, or at the least, pulling him back when he felt Arthur was getting ahead of him. 

When he came, Arthur couldn't see, he couldn't breathe and he fell into an ungraceful, messy heap, forgetting to move until he felt Eames still moving, panting furiously close to his ear and Arthur clenched, moving weakly against him until Eames finally came as well. They both eventually stopped, holding onto each other, trying to get their breathing back to normal.

"We're....we're doing it like that from now." Said Arthur.

Eames chuckled softly against his hair.

"Whatever you want."

He brought his hand up, running his fingers through his curling hair as he held him feeling Arthur nuzzling him.

"I'm really happy. I can't ever remember being this happy."

"Me too. It was almost worth going through all that pain to be this happy now."

Arthur agreed.

"We have this summer coming up...and then one more year of school."

He shivered a little and Eames moved his hand back to reach for the pushed over and ignored sheets, pulling them over the both of them now. His hand returned to his back, stroking his skin.

"I know...we should plan something. Do things. Or we could just hide out here and have sex every day."

They both laughed.

Arthur goes back to classes, now finding it difficult to do anything that didn't make him think of Eames. Now that they were dating, he found out that their schedules couldn't be more off from each others. While Eames was in class, Arthur was free, when Eames was free, Arthur was at track practice or just finishing class. The only time they could really spend any time together was during the weekends or when studying with their friends. It was frustrating at times since they both missed each other but they made it work. Eames spent many cold afternoons sitting on bleachers watching Arthur during practice while he did his homework so when he was done, they could get coffee afterwards. The first afternoon it happened, Arthur was so taken back by it, surprised Eames would do that for him but it made him happy. Eames also gave him one of his thicker hoodies, lined with fleece on the inside so he wouldn't have to layer up so much while he ran. Arthur practically lived in it during winter track, washing, drying it and then putting it back on when it was too filthy after some time.

The relationship was something added to Arthur's already hectic life as he pushed through the end of the semester, keeping up a social life, classes and now Eames. He realized he couldn't study with Eames, at least not alone because it turned into long, passionate kissing, often leading into sex and accomplishing nothing. The only time they could study together was with their group. Robert was a bit disappointed to find out about Arthur dating Eames, but it wasn't total disappointment and it didn't effect their friendship too much. Ariadne commended Arthur for keeping his life open and not just completely absorbed in Eames.

"Really though, most people let a new relationship swallow them up. You're so good at this."

"I'm good at balancing thing. Plus it helps that Eames has a life of his own with classes and stuff. Come summer time, tell me this."

They both laughed as Arthur pushed his glasses up and went back to studying.

"Are you saying you won't be around here too much?"

"Probably not. Eames lives alone."

Ariadne leered at him, an eyebrow raised as she smirked.

"Oh really?"

Arthur looked up from his text book as he saw her look.

"Oh god...yes Ariadne, really."

He cleared his throat, trying to stop the warmth rising to his face. She kept teasing him about it for the rest of the night. Later on, when they ordered pizza and packed up their books and broke out some sodas while they waited, Ariadne undid her hair and nudged him a little.

"I know I'm giving you a hard time but I have to ask."

"What?"

"He was your first right?"

"Ari...come on..."

"Well I'm curious! You did go home with Robert before...I saw him leave the next morning."

He set his soda down as he leaned back against the kitchen counter.

"Nothing happened. We made out for...at least an hour. But it was so frustrating because I just couldn't get into it with him. We ended up falling asleep...I was drunk anyway."

"Ah...so Eames was the first."

It only took a second for him to answer.

"Yes, he was the first."

She just teased him more.

Once the summer came around and school was over, Arthur kept his word about not being around as much. He spent any free moment he had with Eames, relishing his time with him. He laid down, looking up at him, their hands touching, Arthur measuring his fingers against Eames, seeing they were about the same length but his where thicker, stronger and he felt so comfortable in his embrace, in his bed, surrounded by his scent. 

"I was thinking...about after we're done with school."

Arthur's eyes flickered up to his.

"What about it?"

Eames smiled, hesitating a little and then giving a nervous laugh. Arthur grasped his hand, smiling a little as he shook him.

"What, tell me Eames..."

"It's too much. It can wait."

"We're past this aren't we? We've know each other forever."

"But we've just started dating. It's only been a couple of months."

"Are you nervous?"

"About what?"

"About us."

Eames looked away, lacing their fingers together.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I spent too much time longing for you...I don't want to blow it by saying something stupid."

Arthur pulled him down, kissing him again and again, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"I love you...you won't blow it. You have me, Eames...I'm not going anywhere."

He smiled as Arthur ran his fingers through his eternally messy hair.

"Tell me..."

Eames shook his head.

"Then I'll tell you what I was thinking...I was thinking that maybe after we finish school...if it was okay with you, maybe we could move in together. That way, in case our schedules conflict...we wouldn't have to strain for time to see each other."

He waited for a moment, swallowing hard, hoping he wasn't jumping to conclusions until Eames kissed him.

"I was thinking the same thing."

Later that night, as Arthur fell asleep, his fingers tracing the line of Eames' tattoo on his chest, following the lines of the masks, Eames fast asleep under him, he glanced up at him, his chest for once not strained and tightened, his heart not beating furiously from fear or worry. He brought his fingers up to Eames' lips, tracing the outline of them smiling when Eames would lick his lips before falling into his deep sleep again. 

"You are for me...you were always for me."

Because it was only then that Arthur realized that after all that time, Eames really was for him.


End file.
